writer564

The millions of twinkling stars dotted majestically on the vast cloudless night sky seemed to be holding a conference with each other. This is a little wordy in my opinion. ...

this is very good i can't wait to see the ending!! But you need to watch your sentences. They don't flow very well. The conversation he had with Christy ann ...

wow, this was very unexpected--awesome! Other than a couple typos, it was really good. But, when the bottom floor of the mansion caught on fire, describe where. Did it get ...

This chapter was very good. One thing, though. At the beggining, when you said he fashioned the ropefrom the sheets- thats lod and cliche. Maybe you can say there was ...

This is good, but i don't think it is very realistic. Even if he was mad, i don't think any kid would go back to somewhere where he could be ...

This was by far my favorite cahhpter. You had more action and less telling. You make the reader want to go on to the next chapter. When you said he ...

This chapter was ok, but i agree you are doing to much telling. You do need to add more detail about her challenges. But you also need to add some ...

This is a good idea, but you do a lot of telling instead of showing. I was only laughing because of peer pressure. This doesn't sound very realistic. You wanted ...