wonderland

I really felt like this was only okay. Your description was okay, your beginning alright. You really are missing something, and not just emotion. Your whole piece seems devoid of ...

That was really interesting. Will the stories all end up meeting each other, or will they stay separate? I really hope they meet up with some fantastic plot. YOu really ...

That is so sad! Seriously! One thing i really enjoyed about this piece though was the way you switched tenses through Dans memories. The one thing I'd suggest is italicizing ...

How on earth is this a poem? To me is screams song, simple, all rhyme-y, a perfect song for someone with my voice range. anyway, your flow is perfect and ...

Thats a pretty strong poem. The only thing I would do is keep the stanza length the same, or the flow of your poem is ruined and you always want ...

Did you know you have a lot of dialouge? What you need is description and emotion to go with it. You are a fantastic writer, and I can see that. ...

Well, Massive block of text. hard to read. Alright, firstly, always start a new sentence with dialogue Example You had~ If she was still the young kid from my childhood, ...

Sweeper? If this is a prolouge, then its the perfect time to explain without being harassed for 'too much details' and whatnot. And, you should explain, or your reader will ...

Im terrible with scripts, so I really can't help you there. I'm just going to say that I have read all of Cassandra Clares books, and your plot seems tad ...

ONE Her footsteps were heavy on the stairs. She came crashing into my room, a large doll in her right hand. She stood by my bedside, waiting for me to ...

Alright, so your story is coming along, so I want to touch on something super importan Character Development Your main character seems like a major brat. I say this because ...

Your spelling and grammar was good, but the peice was missing something. Then i realized it was your main character. She seems overly perfect, therefore someone a reader can't bond ...

CHAPTER ONE: EXCITING NEWS Dark (14), Elizabeth (15), Ivy (10), and Saxton (9) Having the ages in brackets like that is super distracting. Just say their ages. sat at booth ...

Thank you for having that car accident. If you didn't put that in there, this chapter really would have been the start to a cliche teen novel. You have spelling ...

Agreed with Nike said. There is nothing in this piece. You need more emotion, more description, more, well everything. It was one of those peices in which there could be ...