wonderland

Actually, your beginning id quite good. Your description is strong and beautiful The grounds were deserted. To quiet for anyones liking. The girls had crept through the corridors, making only ...

Good luck to you! I entered the same contest. Firstly, some grammar. plummeted into it's sea of words. Its. It's is a contraction for it is, which isn't what you ...

So, was any of that a dream? Because the dream parts you should put in italics, and make it easier for the reader. And you switch spellings of Arial and ...

Wow, that was short. Add description. I want to feel the wind hitting your MC's face, feel how she feels about wings. Describe the setting, you give us a very ...

Hmm, okay. Slow beginning. I liked the piece overall, but the begining really detracted from it. Flashes. I gripped my head, mind reeling in pain. More flashes, sudden moments of ...

-Does the dialogue seem realistic to you? ~Not really. Espically at the beginning, when she's talking to her social worker. Just seems fake -Do situations/justifications for things happening seem both

Yes, I am confused. You need to slow down and describe. Add emotion. Make it clear whats going on. YOu want to clearly show the reader an image that they ...

That was confusing. I know that that is flash fiction, but maybe you could describe whats actually happening, and add some emotion. Right now, it's just some words strung together, ...

Quotes? Quotes are pretty overused. Really, it was just a prologue. I can't really comment on your plot, of characters, yet, because there is nothing to comment on. TO be ...

Hmmm, this is alright. It was good, but not great. Getting there, though. Firstly, you miss commas. Like here "C'mon Zander, help me get some stuff." Comma goes in between ...

Lilyana darted from shadow to shadow, concious of who might be watching.. Shadows provided cover, and cover was something that could protect her from them . The humans that would ...

heres Chapter 2!!! Part II (James): I watched her from a distance; arguing with her father: her black hair streaming down her back in long strands and her lilac eyes ...

Alright so, basically, What I see is potential. You could be a strong writer, but, to be frank, your grammar need work. You need to caps 'I' in places like ...

Agithy, so Firstly, the smileys Cute? yes Distracting? Very. I'd suggest replacing them with the computer symbols (:D, :) ;)) if you have to have them at all Second, Believability ...

Alright, I know you said just to give what I think, and I will, just after I touch up on your grammar You have He saw a white wolf staring ...