windrattlestheblinds

First off: Awwwwww, this is really sweet. And lots of feels. The ending is just… awwww. You’ve got an excellent tone going. It’s pretty fast paced, which seems well-suited to ...

I like this (and the first part of chapter one; reviewing for both for expediency). You do an excellent job of tossing out little bits of worldbuilding that add up ...

Not much to add here that I didn’t in 1-A as far as tone and style. You quite thoroughly answered my question about dragons, and in such a beautifully visceral ...

I love this! The first part hurts, but I love it. The first* thing that really popped out to me was the shifts in Tattee’s emotional states over the course ...

The idea behind this is really interesting to me. I have a weakness for god-is-dead stories with god’s attendants carrying on as best they can, and all the problems that ...

The tone of the opening feels a little dry to me. It gets the job done and conveys all the necessary information, but there seems to be a disconnect between ...

The first thing that really jumped out to me was the tone. Luke comes off as really bitter and cynical—which, given that he’s survived thirty years of zombie apocalypse, is ...

Murder is always a great way to open a story, especially with such an interesting murder weapon! However, right now, you’ve got it all phrased in passive voice (ie “[to ...

Personally I’m not a huge fan of navel-gazing/philosophical openings. They can be done to great effect, but they’re also REALLY easy to get wrong, and I find most of them ...

Your first paragraph works as an opening for a new chapter, but it also seems kind of disconnected from the ending of the last one. I mean, dude just got ...

The opening paragraph is really lovely. I think part of the reason it works so well is that it sort of has the ring of a fairytale; it doesn’t seem ...

The first few paragraphs seem like a lot of telling to me. Obviously since it’s the beginning of the story, you’re going to need SOME exposition, but grief and emotional ...

The first thing I want to say is that when you’re trying to provoke tears, the absolute worst thing you can do is be blatantly emotionally manipulative in the narrative ...

This is lovely. As someone who grew up rural and still barely knows how to drive except on highways, there’s something immensely satisfying about seeing a character run out of ...

Your first three sentences pack a great punch. You give us some setting right away—we’re outside, and it’s cold—and a nice image for swift endings, and then the third sentence ...