windrattlestheblinds

Hello again! I’m not as fond of this chapter as I am the previous three, honestly. The writing itself is still good and engaging, but the characterization of the mains ...

This is, in my opinion, your best opening paragraph yet. The last two were good, but I’m really very fond of these first two lines, especially the second one. They ...

The first sentence works pretty well, I think. It tells us what we need to know about setting—we’re talking to a king—and it has a sense of urgency from the ...

Okay so. As with the section of Victoria’s POV last chapter, I’m not sure how I feel about this one. My previous reservations about her attitude toward Nathan and his ...

So I really like this. The way you open the story is really interesting, and I’m working on the assumption that the Lifetimey movie is in there for reasons besides ...

I am not a huge fan of your opening. I like Abigail’s voice, and she sounds like an interesting character; the problem is that for the first five paragraphs, she ...

Even though not a whole lot changed in this section, I think it reads a lot more clearly due to the changes in 1.1; we’ve seen a little more detail ...

I REALLY like your opening passage. I think it’s a huge improvement on the old one; it’s more active, and it gives us a ton of information about characterization and ...

Generally I’m leery of rambly openings because they can bore if not handled correctly, since there’s no action and the only hook they have is whether what the narrator is ...

The plot thickens! I REALLY want to know what’s up with Violet and these hallucinations. I mean I have my suspicions, but still. So. Things I said last time about ...

This has a really great voice. New kid coming to school and stirring up the status quo is something of a cliche, at this point, but Jensen is an engaging ...

Do you need the prologue? It’s short and sweet, which means that it doesn’t dump information on us long enough to become annoying, but on the other hand it’s nothing ...

Quick formatting thing first—the whole thing is centered and difficult to read as a result. A lot of the opening is super info-dumpy. And like, it’s great that you know ...

I’m not overly fond of the choppiness in the opening. Single-sentence paragraphs have their place, of course, but eight of them in a row becomes kind of wearing, especially because ...

The opening paragraph seems like the weakest point of the story, to me. It feels rushed in a way that the rest of the story doesn’t, or possibly disordered somehow? ...