Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.
Victoria
No night with him was ever the same. New sensations summoned new, enigmatic feelings, leaving me to believe that a special kind of magic was being held beyond the extent of my reach.
I shifted my gaze once again in hopes of letting myself become hypnotized by those gleaming cerulean orbs, the very orbs that succeeded in making it seem as though I might wake up at any given moment. I sighed in relief, knowing that I was not in a dream. This was my life.
"Comfortable?" Nathan questioned huskily.
The sparks his touch left behind on my naked thigh caused me to shudder in contentment. I let my trembling palm glide along the moist valley in his chest, and kissed him for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. I reminded him as often as I could. He kissed me back, making a silent promise that he would never forget. Another coy giggle burst free from my lips at the crooked grin that played on his lips.
"Definitely."
"Trust me, with the hours I'll be working at my new job, there'll be plenty more of this from now on."
Tearing myself from his bulky arms, I rose to my feet and drew the curtains apart in front of a nearby window. The desert horizon remained illuminated with the gentle sapphire glow of the moonlight while early hints of frost crept onto the edge of the cold glass.
"Wow," my husband exhaled, which prompted me to spin around in curiosity.
His eyes gleamed with affection as he observed my exposed figure. I always knew what he was going to say, and I always asked nonetheless.
"What?"
"How did I get so lucky?" he chuckled playfully.
"Oh, Nathan, don't do this now," I moaned in embarrassment once he got up and circled his arms around my waist.
"How did I manage to get this beautiful, Mexican goddess to become my wife?"
He knew as well as I did. The hinting twitch of his eyebrows revealed that he wanted nothing more than to relive that awkward yet fateful day.
"Remember the line you used on me the first day we met?"
"'Excuse me, but are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see,'" he recited with a suggestive wink.
Holding back our laughter, we reminisced on the greatly misinterpreted reply I gave him back in high school.
As a fourteen year old girl who knew little English, I could not even begin to comprehend the simple pun turned pick up line. I was not American, and I'd never set foot in Tennessee before. It left me deeply offended. Nathan seemed more surprised than usual when I clenched my fists and approached him full throttle in the corridor.
"'I'm from Oaxaca, jerk!'" we both exclaimed laughing.
I was left equally stunned once I discovered that his academic rank was number two in a class of over 500 students, despite his status as the popular jock. He was also gentle, protective and very considerate. I immediately succumbed to his captivating spell.
Almost every girl in school wanted him, yet he dated no one during his high school career, until one day when I was sixteen. After a grueling Saturday morning of taking SAT exams, he approached me in the parking lot and invited me to have ice cream with him. Surprised at his interest in me, I remained speechless as I contemplated taking up his offer. Having never gone out on a date before, I wanted to debunk all the horror stories I'd heard about dating flirty, popular boys and decided to take a leap of faith. Nathan seemed different anyway.
"Sure... I'd love to," I replied bashfully, unaware that I was flirting back.
From then on we were inseparable, and our relationship continued to strive after we married and soon conceived our daughter Leah. They were the two best things that had ever happened to me.
"I remember that day like it was yesterday. The good times keep on coming and they don't seem like they'll end anytime soon," he said, an air of confidence in his sweet voice.
Considering that our daughter was elsewhere for the night, Nathan was particularly calm. I decided to ask him just to be sure that he was still there.
"So, how are you coping with our baby being gone for the night?"
"I trust her, I really do. It's just everything else around her I can't trust. Did Antonio make sure to have his son and nephew keep their friends in the basement?"
"Yes, Nate. There's no need to worry about it. I'm pretty sure the older kids will go out and do, you know, teenage stuff," I replied, which provided no help at all in alleviating his growing distress.
"Oh, God!" he exclaimed before burying his head in his palms. "I just had a flashback of our high school years! Whatever 'teenage stuff' Antonio's son and friends are doing, they better not bring it back to his house."
Although Nathan hated to speculate that anything despicable went on in the Pérez household, he couldn't help but conjure up the endless scenarios in which my daughter could find herself trapped in. A great part of me knew that they were good and upright people, but the smallest part of me hoped that she would not be exposed to anything she did not understand.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!
I went back and read the first chapter, so now worries, I understand what's going on in the story.
Oh gosh, Nathan is absolutely super paranoid. It's crazy! I found myself rolling my eyes at half of the stuff that he was saying as I read. Despite his ideas being a bit "out there" I find it very believable. Honestly, most parents are like this now a days. There is so much that can go wrong when you send your child out on their own. Of course Nathan is going to be worried.
You've done a good job with your characters so far. It's only been two chapters, so I can't expect to completely understand who they are and what they do. But I feel like I'm on the edge of it. In the next few chapters I feel like we'll get to know just enough about them.
One quick thing. You have to say at the beginning of this chapter that it's in Victoria's POV. Despite you leaving off the last chapter in Victoria's POV, you still have to remind us that this is in Victoria's POV.
Overall this is a good start. We get a good idea of who your characters are and what they'll be up to. There is also a nice mention of the setting. I can tell that this is going to be a very interesting novel.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hey there Noelle! Thank you so much for your feedback. I really appreciate it!
Okay so.
As with the section of Victoria’s POV last chapter, I’m not sure how I feel about this one. My previous reservations about her attitude toward Nathan and his treatment of their daughter still stand, although I think it makes more sense in this chapter than it did last time. Nathan, after all, is sort of coming off as a “perfect” husband, which fits with Victoria wanting to believe the best about him in all things.
I put perfect in scare quotes because, at this point, I don’t know a whole lot about Victoria and Nathan’s relationship other than that they have frequent satisfying sex and seem to still be sort of infatuated with each other. And that Nathan was a total dork in high school. (That pick-up line is awful and cringeworthy, which makes it awesome.)
“Having never gone out on a date before, I wanted to debunk all the horror stories I’d heard about dating flirty, popular boys… Nathan seemed different anyway.” This line strikes me as being really ominous foreshadowing, considering what the first chapter was like. I like it.
As with Nathan’s interactions with Leah last chapter, everything about his attitude toward the sleepover here creeps me out. Like the fact that he genuinely thinks that a bunch of eighteen-year-old guys are likely to involve a couple of thirteen-year-old kids, one of whom they’re related to, in whatever drugs/violence/sexual things he’s imaging, *while* an adult is in the house to supervise, just strikes me as really, really odd. And paranoid. Wasn’t he an eighteen-year-old boy himself? Did he behave inappropriately toward thirteen-year-old girls? Is that why he thinks it’s a normal thing? Who knows!
So yeah, I still don’t like Nathan.
When you put up chapter three, could you tag me or drop a post on my wall? I’d love to keep up with this story and see how it progresses.
Sure! I didn't know that you could tag another user. Thanks for letting me know! I will try to post tomorrow morning before I head to work if I have time. If not, I will definitely post when I return home in the evening. Again, thank you so much!
Yep! you tag with the @ symbol and the username, i.e. @ElizabethFiction