twilightxd

ok this was prety good I like how your charecter has a critical condition, but that doesn't stop her. Plot: Ok consitering this is the first chapter I think you ...

I knew what this must be. Heaven. the period before "Heaven" is really not necessary because the two sentence obviousely go together. Just then, Carter Snow, my father, walked into ...

I liked it. It was a little different from the really wedding so. I think Alice should be the bridesmaid and Jacob was supposed to be the best man, but ...

OK, so it’s not a huge deal. But I had never been so hurt entirely on my own accord. These two sentence should be connected with a coma after the"but" ...

didn’t recognize it. Before, work was his life. He liked that life, it was enough for him. But Stacy showed him a life he never even could have imagined. For ...

knowing it to the fact she tried to sleep with them for money to didn’t seem to help much at all. Its "too" I could kill myself every night but ...

:smt045 It has ghouls and ghosts and free candy! Had would be better. “Hi, Billy. Hey, what are you going to dress up as for Halloween this year?” Stephen replied. ...

This is a really good short story, but I think you should give the the princess a name isnstead of just saying "our princess And then the king died. Both ...

I really liked "The other man", but it was also very sad. I thought that is was going to be longer because of the thingy that I don't know the ...

hey I liked your story line, but I think you could of done alot better with the writing. You Have a TON of typos and your missing capitlization. It makes ...

I really like this one and the first chapter, but like everyone else I'm don't see where your going. You need to write more. I really like the characters in ...

Wow, this is a really intence story and I think you told it amazingly. That must have been really horible. Ok, there was only few grammer isues that I noticed. ...

ok, this is good. It has a real intence ending that makes me want to read more. Most of the grammer was good. You only had a few grammer issues ...

I haven't read the boy in the striped pajamas, but I really enjoyed your version. I really like how you describe the scene in a child's point of view especially ...

I really liked this one because it had a lot of detail of their surroundings and the charicteres. great job :D :wink: