Published December 8, 2008
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140,925 Literary Works • 673,749 Reviews
This was really good! It was captivating and interesting. A few flaws:
Those two sentences should probably be one, joined by a comma. Tut tut, we all learned not to start sentences with 'and' or 'but'. Also, the phrase is "of my own accord", not "on my own accord". The latter doesn't make any sense.
You use the word "eye" too much in this sentence. Try and think of something else, because you can't have those two "eye"s almost in a row like that.
Otherwise, great job! I used to do martial arts at a pretty basic level, but I never could have taken an experience and turned it into a proper piece like this.
These two sentence should be connected with a coma after the"but"
This was really good! I only found one thing you need to change the rest of your grammer is perfict. I like your moral in the story. I do martial arts, but we don't spar nearly that rough. We have a lot more limitations.