triggerfingerxx

Pssh. Yeah, you're cool.

This is...okay. The words are good, just the structure needs some help. Also, none of the stanzas seem to connect to one another...that's just me though. =)

It's a good start, just elaborate with imagry. =)

I totally agree. The concept is great, but if you can NEVER let rhyming get in the way. people ALWAYS will know what's forced and what's not....ya feel?

It's pretty good, but I didn't like the line "like walking across some tombs" it seems out of place and irrelevant. Other than that, the concepts a little cliche, and ...

It's okay, I mean, you should check on your flow a little bit, try to expand your sentences a bit or make it longer, it seems that youre trying to ...

I think we have a gift here. =O

sweet deal! although this isn't my kind of style, i still liked it alot! sweet! =)

I'd agree with everyone, it needs some re-wording, and some rhythm help. Other than that, it's a great concept. =)

just read between the lines man, feel it up like a lady...you dont have to know whats going on...you just have to...understand.(aka just go smoke some weed and youll get ...

i thought it was pretty nice, great figurative languege and captures emotion well. i just think that you need to work on flow a bit.

interesting approach. i dont neccisarily find it poetic but i do find it good. nice job :)

I thought that it was pretty good except for the fact that it was a bit choppy, try adding in punctuation to help it out a bit :)

interesting title, it works well with the poem. word to what ZanyPlebeian said :)

It sounds beautiful, and you are a very eloquent speaker, but i can't decipher it. what do you mean by that?