timjim77

This is iron ore, raw material. You need to refine it. But 'tis cute.

The analogy would work better if you kept the actual subject, football, hidden until the end.

I liked it. One thing I would have preferred was if you never mentioned the actual love, and just insinuated it through the metaphor of math. I think there was ...

I screamed you name. Your name.

Excellent. A few minor changes and it's a whole new poem.

Well, for one thing, he doesn't do rugs, unless you mean nicotine is a drug. So, I would have to say, many offices would hire smokers. not out of preference, ...

Change the title.

This particular line does not fit the piece at all. You could stand to get rid of it. If we are to believe that this is an office building of ...

Eunuch is spelled correctly.

"The original dead letter office, accompanied by fire and dancers. Pentagrams as paperweights, undoing the wind's work, holding dossiers and death sentences." Awesome. We must be influenced by the sam

Violent.

Why is abstract meaningless? I intentionally made it abstract, for that is the feeling at a funeral. Emotions are mixed, mind is blurred. I deleted the organ part. Thanks.

It switches style a lot. Sometimes it sounds indie, and other times it sounds like pop. There are other parts I'm still writing.

Sorry. Missed the top line.

Sounds like a Ween song.