tigershark17

Okay, nitpicks first. The concrete was darker than usual from the rush of water previously splashing against it and going into ditch. This sentence is begging for an article! He ...

Great start, but I agree with mikepyro; it is too short. Are you going to add to this as a prologue, or use it as the blurb? Either one would ...

Wow! Very different and interesting. I think the scene where she walks in with a gun could be a little slower. Maybe add some detail about the other people in ...

Whoa. Well, I got a bit lost, particularly at the beginning and end. Why has she been in the hospital for so long? Personally, I think you did a great ...

Oh... wow. This is really excellent. It has a sort of creepy air to it. "Life". The last word flowed from the depths of her wrist. She didn't deserve to ...

This was a really fun piece to reaad. I really enjoyed it when you through in at the end that Dana is a fire hydrant. The one thing I don't ...

Wow-- this is very different. You have an excellent writer's voice; it's kind of sing songy. I have read other work that has kind of a poetic flow to it ...

AAAAAH! Now I want the next one! Darn, cause you just posted this one, too.... Hurry up and keep writing; it's so good! Anyway, a few minor grammar and spelling ...

I have really enjoyed this. Some grammar and spelling errors here and there, but not terrible. I will mention two things: I agree with Sannah; it is too soon for ...

Aw, darn. I read through this and went back up to the "back to novel" button, and then... the letdown. There's no more to read! Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed this, ...

Hi Jessica I'll put your original text in red, corrections in blue. Let's get started! The pale blue walls and green carpets, and wooden dusty chairs that have begun to ...

Okay, first of all, don't use abbreviations like OMG. If you're going to say it, then do. If you're worried about doing something like that, don't be. If you haven't ...

Hi MusicFreak: Original text in red, my corrections in blue. His heart thumbed loudly as he glanced behind him. His heart thumped loudly From the way his clothes were torn ...

Okay, first of all, rate this 16+. I know you're only fourteen, but there is some harsh language and mature themes in your writing, which is fine, but it should ...

Okay, just like your last chapter, your biggest problem is sentences. A lot of them can be broken down and compacted into one. Try to do this as you write. ...