"Love". The word flows from her freshly scarred skin. She inhales deeply, but nothing fills her open lungs. Open. Empty, like her soul. She's just a being now. That's all. She's just... being. Not living- not really living. No, she's couldn't, she can't. Not after- not after what happened. Not after him.
"Stupid". This time the words flows harder, quicker. Good, she deserves that. She should have known. She had, at once, been sensible about it all. not being sucked into the idiocity. The absurdness of it all. It's not like she hadn't been warned either. Hell no. Her whole life was a warning.
"Trust". For a while she had trusted her mindset. She trusted it's security. But it failed her, like everything else. Like everyone else. Why? Why couldn't she have seen it coming? Don't ever trust anything or anyone. It should have been ingraved in her brain by now. So what happened?
"Him". He happened. He found the key to her soul. The one she had thrown away so many years ago. He opened her up, let her free. He cared. He loved. He wanted her. The only person who did. Or, at least, that's what she thought. She thought he was perfect, that she'd found her Prince Charming. But fairy tales don't exist, he wasn't like that. He wasn't different. He was just like the others. When she was vulnerable, he struck. Broke her from the inside out. Left her useless.
"Life". The last word flowed from the depths of her wrist. She didn't deserve to live. Not after her stupidity. Maybe now they'd see. Maybe now they'd all see. With a quivering last breath, the shell of a girl hit the linoleum tiles of a hotel bathroom. A chipped and dull, blood-stained pocket knife in her hand.
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but love killed Callie Miller.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Wow. That was powerful and i love the ending.
i love how you used that. It ties the whole story together.
One thing that i had a bit of a problem with was the grammar. I'm a grammar freak so if the grammar in a story is bad, it throws me off and that's all i pay attention to. Be a little more careful with that.
other than that, great story
Keep on Writing
-Roxy
Oh... wow. This is really excellent. It has a sort of creepy air to it. #FF0000 ">"Life". The last word flowed from the depths of her wrist. She didn't deserve to live. Not after her stupidity. Maybe now they'd see. Maybe now they'd all see. With a quivering last breath, the shell of a girl hit the linoleum tiles of a hotel bathroom. A chipped and dull, blood-stained pocket knife in her hand. I love these lines. Your writer's voice is excellent, and you have great descriptions that are not overwhelming. The way you say "Maybe now they'd all see" is so expressive and... yeah, anyways... Great piece. I really love it!
That was really good. It kept me interested. I really like this story. Sad at the end but good.
Hi there Leah!
So lets start off with a few nit picks:
This sentence was a bit confusing which takes away from the flow of the story. I wasn't sure if you were talking about her lips or what.
words should be "word"
Not should be capital.
Oops, forget the first two nit-picks, it makes sense after finishing the story though they are at first confusing. Hmm, the story of a girl with a broken heart. I think it's quite well written, definitely a sad or sorry ending. But you might want to let us know about the blood and the cutting a little sooner because as soon as I read the last paragraph the whole story made sense and jumped into visual perspective for me, but before then I was just clutching at broken pieces. But maybe that's the way you wrote it to be, I don't know. Over all I really enjoyed reading it though: keep up the good work!
~Dakota Knight