Published June 14, 2011
You’re going to laugh at this guy, because this story isn’t one with a happy ending and a beautiful girl kissing a nice boy with killer abs. Well, this dude has a toned bod but still. You know how this ends? With water pouring in all directions. Yes, the main character is wearing a white t-shirt at that point BUT JUST LISTEN AIGHT. Okay.
These things always happen on the weekends for some reason. Saturday afternoon. David was going through a literal whirlwind of emotions (his ceiling fan was on “Blast” mode) and it was the date of his date with Dana. Dana, his dream, his fantasy. Yeah, sure, it was Match.com setup and yeah, he was a little unsure of how good she’d be in bed after the third date to Arby’s. But David and Dana were meant to be together, forever and ever, whether his mother approved of it or not. He applied his Axe Dark Temptation deodorant with frantic anxiety and garmented himself in a fresh linen shirt and tasteful khakis: he wanted Dana to approve of his fashion sensibilities but there was no knowing whether he’d meet her expectations. Those were high, high expectations to match, forreal. I ain’t joking; I cannot stress how hig-
Anyway, David was nearly ready. He was pumped. This was it: a real date! You could not believe how excited he was for this moment! He was bouncing off the walls, literally. David kicked a vase after some intense parkour/ninja activity. That’s what you do when you’re a straight up G such as David. Word. But he had a few things to take care of; and, of course, being such an immaculate gangsta like most protagonists of romance stories, he accomplished what he needed to do in a fabulous manner.
Since David had the strength of Superman and the features of Fabio (besides that awful face, Jesus, that’d be horrific) he jumped off the roof of his cozy one bedroom apartment and landed on two feet like a cunning cat in the middle of the street, simultaneously brushing his perfectly quaffed faux hawk (which, in retrospect, wouldn’t have to be maintained if it was already quaffed…) and fixing his shirt collar so he didn’t look like a popped collar douchebag waiting in line at Armani Exchange. Now he was ready for the date of the century, the rugged gift from God he was. Okay, he pee’d a little bit in anticipation but that’s his sensitive side coming out.
The plaza where Dana lived was just around the corner, conveniently located directly across from where David had landed. David made a quick glance at his unsmudged Swiss watch and realized that he had exactly one minute and thirty four and one seventh seconds to make it to Dana and whisk her into his arms and travel the world and smooch her with his remarkably fresh lips which were untainted by post-pubic acne. Did I mention the adjective “fresh”? Yes. Like the veggie aisle at Dominick’s. Picture that.
Then, he was off. With a minute and thirty three and one twelfth seconds to spare, David had reached Dana. Sadly, this wasn’t a cheesy meeting like the millions of rom-coms you’ve watched while crying and chomping down Edy’s Double Fudge ice cream at two in the morning after that asshat Craig dumped you for a trailer park tramp. David sort of wished it was at that moment, because this was a bit weird. Somewhat awkward. Extremely unexpected, especially for a former varsity football captain/prom king/Most Likely To Become The Next Taylor Lautner.
Oh, I forgot to mention. Dana isn’t a human being.
That’s when a spontaneous combustion occurred on the fifth floor of a shoddy factory adjacent to the plaza where Dana and David were having their strangely romantic yet silent interaction, and the fire department came in seconds to get the precious life-saving water stored in Dana’s belly.
David was a bit surprised to realize that he had blurted gushingly “You’re the most beautiful fire hydrant I’ve ever seen in my life.”
He was in love, true love. This muscular, cut male of twenty two desired to be with Dana for the rest of his life. It’s inexplicable, but Dana made David happy.
And when he said softly (with the fire department struggling to get a hose into her crimson belly) “This is perfect. You’re perfect,” he could’ve sworn that he saw Dana blush.
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140,121 Literary Works • 673,020 Reviews
Wow, great twist! I never saw it coming. Your style is different, it's very real. It had a nice flow and pace, and I never once suspected that Dana was a fire hydrant. xD When you said Dana wasn't human, I almost expected her to be a supernatural creature. Fresh and new, this is the kind of writing style you don't see everyday. Great job; keep writing!
Oh, and how did Daniel get Dana to Arby's? xD
OMG That's hilarious! *tears of laughter* :L :L Dude, such a funny story xD Mind if I stalk your page for more LOL-arious stories??
Niiice work 
I was hilarious! I couldn't stop giggling. It flowed wonderfully, and I couldn't ask you to change a thing! Keep on writing!
That's pretty clever with your story. keep up the good work. You made us think one thing when you really
were talking about something else. That's a good way to write just like planting red herrings and the reader never
sees the ending coming.
Hello, My name is pixie2! tHis story is very pricise I love it! What you should do is turn it in to a Novel, where there is more to the story... It is very romantic yet... I dont even know why to me.... It is to me kinda funny. You are a amazing writer!! Sometimes I feel Like i am a horrible writer. What I should have dne is read this story to tell me that everyone is good at writing, people out side of Young Writers Society! Thats for making feel this way- You are an awsome writer again! I just cant get over this!!!! If you have any questions just leave them on my profile... thanks!
~Pixie2~
Welp Kayla herer!
I have to say this story made my day. I was waiting for some sappy love story or romantic greeting. This was a spectacular story! There is so much voice and personality in this! I litterally was laughing at the computer screen while my family thought I was menatlly chalanged!!
THe parts where you were putting references to Fabio or gangsta, were great it added life to the piece and how you described how happy the guy was and the proccess of him getting ready. Wow, this piece really made me smile.
If you didn't win that contest, then I'd sue! This story was great all the funny aspects, and the personal touches, the personality and voice. Your writing talent is amazingg!
--Kayla!!
First story I've read here in YWS that has a lot of humor! Now, the title makes sense to me and everything. This is so fun to read. I can't think of any negative to comment, because this story is all for light-reading. And I really enjoyed it! Great work.
Oh my jellyfis, lmfao daaaaannng! This is the most hilarious one I've read so far. I LOVE your writing style and just wow. Bravo bravo!
lol this part is hilarious. XD
It was awesome. XD Marvelous darlin' just marvelous.
Keep on Writing (especially the way you do)
-Roxy
This was a really fun piece to reaad. I really enjoyed it when you through in at the end that Dana is a fire hydrant. The one thing I don't get is... why was he on the internet dating site if she is not a human? Anyway, hilarious and highly entertaining; great work!
Hello, I enjoyed reading this short story. It was fun, straight to the point and it can be aimed at a wide range of readers t. In addition, it was not boring however I must say that I found it a bit difficult to read due to some punctuation problems I have seen in the text . Overall you have done a good job at entertaining the reader
HAHAH. I absolutely LOVE this! Its so hilarious!
You're writing style in this is really good too.
-CookEmonster
Haha. ok. I'm very confused on what exactly happened and why he was going on a date with a fire hydrant BUT this piece was pretty good. Good descriptive details and mood,
Keep it up!
Absolutely loved this!! At first the hap hazard style threw me off, but then I got it. The main-character seemed cocky, which really made this interesting. When the character admitted Dana was a fire hydrant i was really thrown off. Thats why i loed this piece, it was really surprising. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the feedback, everybody! I wrote this a bit hastily so I could jump on this contest I really liked, but I'm glad you all got a kick out of the "twist" ending
muchas gracias 
Dude! This is really unique
at first I was like "what the heck is the next taylor doing on an internet dating site" but then I got it 
(yes i can be slow at times). Anyhow, your experience and know how is all expressed in your writing. I could have seen some of this stuff pulled out of a book or something. Keep up the good work, and maybe if you decide to extend it, keep us guessing about his date. It was very good and I enjoyed reading it... Especially since I'm in school right now, bored out of my *insert bad word here*ing mind XD
Wow! i actually enjoyed reading this
i love your unique writing style, it makes it interesting to read! 
HA........I actually laughed while reading this poem because quite frankly your writing style is quite different and kinda gangsta. I enjoyed it and gotta say that it was a good read. I couldnt believe that all along he went to meet a fire hydrant. The part that really got me was when you wrote that 'you could of sworn you seen dana blush'
overall I loved it.