thatannagirl

Here are a few things I noticed at first glance. “No mommy!” “No Miranda, look away!” The "no" is repetitive, you could cut either one. “Well you did say that ...

Ooohh! I liked this a lot. It's so sad that it ended so soon, I was really there. Anyway, here are a few things that either confused me or I ...

Rascalover pretty much straightened out the grammar I noticed. Other than that, I would maybe make who is saying the dialogue near the end clearer. It was slightly confusing. Still, ...

Amazing. I love the way you write, it's fun to read. Anyway, great job, because the only thing I could find wrong with it is this. and, dare i say ...

YES! Continue! I'm dying here. I both love and hate cliffhangers with a fiery passion. I yawned and that imagine of myself came into my mind. image revealing his sharp ...

First off, I don't want to spend my time critiquing rubbish. Period. This isn't rubbish; it has a potential to be a decent beginning. Grammar nitpicking: a twig snapped behind ...

Hey, I'm the first to post! :) First off, I don't have much time before I get booted off the computer so I'll make this snappy. I've only read the ...

Cool story, though not overly creepy, it was good. I think you would benefit by showing instead of telling a little more. Also, you said described the vampire's skin as ...

This confused me. Okay, so I know he's going somewhere, a trip, and I know what his job is but for the first chapter it doesn't give you much of ...

Perhaps there is a message or moral that I'm just not seeing. I liked the way it was written, and the first two-thirds of it was interesting, but there wasn't ...

Wow, I love it. The morbid thoughts of the narrator were interesting, I just liked the whole idea of SITY. My grammar nitpicking: SITY: Sanchez's Intstitue for Troubled Youth Institute. ...