smorgishborg

What is there really to this poem? It's simple text, with nothing behind it. A potemkin village of a poem. It's not good enough to merely state your feelings or ...

I'm not a grammar nazi, and I had trouble with this... This merits a line-by-line critique, congratulations! + Separate your paragraphs. + Put apostrophes where they belong. + Their = ...

I think subtlety would help this piece quite a bit. Perhaps instead of describing the country/continent, you could describe the setting. In fact, you could show (as opposed to telling) ...

She wasn't born in the sea as other goddesses were, but she did grow up near one. Unlike Helen of Troy, no wars were fought over her, but men do ...

To me, I'm afraid, it didn't have much to offer. There is real poetry in the flight and movements of birds, but you made no attempt to tap into this. ...

You're really not going to get feedback on this I'm afraid. Before anyone is going to really seriously review this, you need to reformat and proofread this. You need spaces ...

Your rhyming isn't helping you, it's forced and often awkward. Anything in orange is a line that you ought to think over and replace. Either it's a forced line, or ...

Strong imagery! You're hallmark seems to be this type of vivid illustration, but this may be the finest I've seen of yours. My complaints are only nit-picks. - ...drove away ...

It bogs down. It really really does. Two things: This could be 1/4th the length. The imagery or language wasn't really redundant, but... it was. So was the idea and ...

Paul: How are you? Rosie: I'm ok Great example. Know why? Because of this: Rosie: I ' m ok. A contraction! Please write dialogue the way it would sound if ...

*shakes head* a thriller story i wrote. it isnt finished yet but id appreciate your comments. there are a few grammer mistakes but if you could find it in your ...

We've taken over your story. You are now in.... the Twilight Zone ... Which is what your story reminded me of. Your story suffers from a lack of characterization. It ...

It wasn't terrible, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't exceptional. And I think you could have done a good deal more with this. I recommend that you read some Walt ...

VI. We do three types of jobs. Cheap, quick, and good! I love this story very much. I find it fascinating how you were able to so effectively revolve a ...

It got a bit too wordy for me, and that was my only real problem. personified indifference Quick! Replace one of these words! adult responsibilities It's ugly, and it bogs ...