smorgishborg

I'll take a stab (pun not intended) at this one. I think you didn't appear to have any lack of writing talent, but your structure was a little sloppy and ...

So it turns out I randomly write very good fiction once in a while. Enjoy? I did enjoy. You did very well with this, the writing was great, and it ...

Yeah, this was really supurb up until the last line. The dialouge was very believable and really was exactly was you would want to hear. Even, better, I really saw ...

This is really very good, one of those rare stream-of-conscience pieces that just flows... . it certainly deserved more then the tepid (one post) reception is seems to have gotten. ...

I really did like this, for the most part* your description was supurb. Also the way you broke it up really developed suspence. In terms of putting the reader in ...

(to the above post:) Well, it is a radio play... I have to commend you on the believability of the dialouge. Very little seems forced, it doesn't seem like you ...

This is marked improvement from the first skit. The first I found a little difficult to follow, a little too predictable. But I liked this one quite a bit because ...

Has anyone mentioned that the format was very very confusing? Oh wait... Please, all that needs to happen is spaces inserted between the lines. But for me, as someone who ...

No rhyme needed, but rhythm couldn't hurt. But aside from that, I think this is a very good poem. There are some lines that stick with me; "smiling painted smiles ...

This was well written, and not the normal fare. Let me start with a couple small technical problems I saw: + In the first sentance you use the word "shelf" ...

You wrote a memorable story I think, not one I will forget easily. So good work on that. The description was fine as well, your writing did not look manufactured ...

Writing honestly, I've read this five straight times and I still have no clue what you are trying to say. I mean it all sounds great, and some of the ...

Love may be a cliche, and so is this poem.... But thats not to say that this work is not well put together, I do like the imagery, I think ...

Thanks for fixing. If I had one problem with the play, I'd say events developed a little too fast. There was no exposition, and the climax of this scene came ...

I had less a problem with the last two lines, instead, the last three lines of the first stanza trpped me up. I felt like those lines belonged at the ...