smorgishborg

As poetry, it is nothing special. It lacks the imagery, or the depth that a great poem contains. I see life for this, but more as a song then a ...

I like it! :D I was a little confused, with the ending, but i think i've straightened it out. It's just that Love never explicitly stated that the boyfriend would ...

how about this: my gag reflex is taking over because this poem sucks. i think that you should burn it; and you will, with any luck. all the besties, ~abby~ ...

Points for trying, but I'm going to agree with Incandescence. Didn't quite work. Without dispute, the poem was born out of a gimmick. It isn't a particularly engaging topic otherwise. ...

Let's make a deal. I'll come back, edit this post, and crit this, provided that you go back and proofread. The spelling, capitalization, and grammar is terrible. Proofread ladies and ...

Well... it was short and profane. Thats what I got out of it. I'd really lengthen the scenes, you'll give your audience nausea if you keep switching locations so often. ...

You're right... about life I mean. But do you really have to say it the way you say it? It feels like you wrote a sentance and then made it ...

The wise men had it coming. But seriously, I enjoyed your story. The writing wasn't really important, so I won't pay much attention that. This was a fable, something that ...

I'm not so sure about this. I had to restart several times, because you kept losing me, and this isn't to great. And once I finished I didn't really have ...

This was really fun to read, I enjoyed the concept and the presentation very much. I actually think that this doesn't really need additional parts. It stands on it's own ...

Oh god no! I can think of no worse torture then that. I mean, it is so easy to cause physical pain but I credit you, Icaruss with coming up ...

Well, you clearly have a story going. You got around to it, but I think you just hooked the audience for the next episode. But just barely. I would first ...

"Little Match Girl" anyone? I liked your phrasing quite a bit. The way you started small in scope and slowly panned out until we could see the whole picture was ...

Mercifully short. Lets start from a wide perspective and hone in. This topic has been shot, strangled, poisoned, drawn and quartered... To really make a point about this, it behooves ...

I really enjoyed this, as was mentioned the POV is really what makes this story. + I was a little nervous when you (the crutch/he?/she?) began to talk about the ...