silentpages

I've come to review the second part of this! ^^ "I don’t need any hard goodbyes, anyone telling me to stay, and certainly not anyone questioning why I’m leaving." Who ...

In the beginning all I could think about was the show I used to watch when I was little, about Little Bear. It soon became clear, though, that this was ...

"Two softly painted parallel lines painted continuously" -- Painted and painted. Try to avoid using repetitive words in description. "Someone’s laughing, and fleetingly I think for what seems like t

Okay... So my main problem with this is that it's more of a summary than a story. You sound like you're telling us about a movie you saw the other ...

First of all, I love how you don't consider your friends and family to be actual people. XD This has some potential, but... My thoughts going through: "The only sound ...

Not bad... My thoughts going through: "Fog blanketed the ground, concealing the advancing army." If they're concealed, how does she know they're there? Does she just know ahead of time ...

"... when Whitley says..." How much does the MC respect this headmistress? If she has a lot of respect, she'll probably keep the title of Headmistress there all the time, ...

An interesting story... My thoughts going through: "All I found was his fishing rod, with a squid still trying to escape." If that was all he found, how did he ...

A good start. :) My thoughts going through: In the first paragraph, you've got a lot of metaphors and imagery all in one space. Seeping pain, novas in her head, ...

I think your beginning needs a little work... Your intro isn't very strong. At least not to me. I, for one, think that her husband killing her is more tragic ...

Interesting. :) "peaking at the metallic object" -- Peeking. "nerdy machine from an old science fiction movie" I'm picturing a machine with nerdy glasses and suspenders being given a wedgie... ...

Not a bad fairy-tale, but I did have some issues with it. Specifically, with the characters... My thoughts going through: "...extravagantly rich to the horribly poor. Though the King knew ...

Very interesting, and beautifully written. My thoughts going through: "feel the night sky's many-eyed gaze on my back" -- Excellent way to talk about the stars... "Cannot it be cold ...

I liked this. ^^ I think you did a good job, really getting us into the main character's head. There are just a couple things that I think could be ...

Interesting! A little short, as others have said, but it's a good introduction to the rest, and it's a good way to show us this power of hers... Some errors ...