shadowstorm

He's always been just a friend. His girlfriend is way over-territorial. The person I'm 'talking' to in the poem is the guy. 'She' is the girlfriend. I'll take a look ...

Thanks for the reviews and suggestions/corrections. The way I'm doing the prologue is kind of copying a scene from much later, so not a whole lot can be made clear ...

I like the ideas behind the story. They hint at interesting events to come. Immediately I am interested in the story.

It moves a bit quickly and could use some more organizing perhaps, but I believe it is a story with a lot of potential.

I agree with everyone about the rhythm and flow. The poem feels like everything has just poured out. To use a cliche, it's short and sweet!