retrodisco666

Hey, This poem could be good, but at the moment it is hard to take any of it in because it's just a big block of writing on the page. ...

Hey, The rhyming does feel forced, however I don't think this piece would work without it to be honest. It has a nice touch to it, because rhyming is meant ...

Hey, Right positive first. Your idea behind the piece is good and with work could become a good piece. Negative. The rhyming kills it, completely. It feels force and it ...

Hey, It was short but effective. I love the first paragraph, it left a vagueness but gave us a reason to keep reading. If i were you, i would keep ...

Hey, For the first few lines I knew what you were on about, even though you didn't actually say love. I think this is really refreshing in this style of ...

Hey, for your first post it is good, but obviously not perfect. When i joined i found it better to write something you wouldn't usually as that helps better as ...

Hello :) They are one or two typo's in this that you will need to go over. I would suggest a proof read again. I really liked this piece and ...

Hey, I have two points about the piece. 1. I don't think that wee would have been said in the time period 2. Who is he talking to when he ...

Hey, i shall be your reviewer He enters the room like a king, pulling towards a linen paradise. Their lovemaking is like the parting of the sea. Hot as the ...

This is very good. It is not my type of genre but i though it was good. We can skip the girls three and four because there is nothing that ...

Hello there! I shall review your poem I am riveted by the thin lines of blood that trails down your arms You scream you scream, 'God help me!' I am ...

Pure genius, I love it! My only slight thing, would be to change the wording on the last line. Maybe to something like and watch the curtain close, as for ...

Hey, I'm just gonna put some notes around the poem, and then you can PM and tell me what you think if you wish. Who can fill my empty heart? ...

Hey, Okay i will highlight in red and give comments in black. Feeling What’s happening to me? What is this feeling raging inside my brain? Worming its way into the ...

Hey, The thing with this is. I like everything in the poem, and think that it is really good, but i think your use of enjambment is wrong and out ...