ratdragoon

This was, sadly, an oh-too-familiar, and painful, sight. As an opening sentence, this needs to be tighter and have more of a punch. Sad, familiar, and painful are all key ...

Just a thought, but is it truly necessary for this to be a prologue? It seems like the next chapter will be continuing directly on from it, and seeing how ...

Hey there! Things I liked: The beginning. It was easily the best past of this chapter in my opinion. The scene felt adequatly set, even if the personification of the ...

I quite liked how the poem has parts where it almost rhythms, but not so blatantly as it affects the flow. I found the topic of trust to be a ...

Your title is nice; it's what pulled me to read. I felt like you've rushed the important parts of the chapters, switching to telling these important scenes in summery. Like ...

Another fantastic chapter. I'm really liking the short, punchy dialogue. The whole thing is punchy and pithy in general, actually, you're not wasting any words here, but I'm still having ...

first thing first; I really liked this! I agree with what EliteHusky said about the second sentence, but also with the multiple praises about setting the scene. The only thing ...

I Am The Cheese is amazing! All should read! Ahem, anyway... I liked it! I found it a little disconcerting at times. That everyone had white teeth seemed a little ...

Intriguing... Needs a bit of work, though. For the most part it was tight grammatically. Just a few things I noticed: My father is to weak should be "too" Prince ...

Wow... Reminded me a little of Tarantino at the start, or some old-fashioned hard-boiled detective (or hit man in this case) But unique. But just... wow. The only (only) snag ...

Why hello there! Welcome to YWS! This is my first critique of a romance btw, so I'm no means an expert... onwards then :D The telephone sat atop a spindly ...

Wow, unique idea, not what i expected. The way you wrote sorta keep me reading, will definitely look out for more! OK, things I found: It’s mouth seemed to be ...

Like Greyed, I have to say the title intrigued me. I like it how the scope of the story started on the protagonist, then widened to include the world, then ...

very good, easy reading and paced nicely. I found the flow was slightly upset with the switch to Jonathan's perspective, but otherwise very smooth. I didn't really understand the final ...

This was never the case This just sounds odd, like your correcting yourself. Something like "It never used to be this way" would be better I think. The brother’s name ...