Intriguing... Needs a bit of work, though. For the most part it was tight grammatically. Just a few things I noticed:
should be "too"My father is to weak
You don't need the comma there, it makes the sentence really awkward to read. Just try reading it out loud, and you'll see. handy tipPrince Evan, meticulously sipped the white wine

I think it would help to have a little more description. The setting needs to be fairly certain from the word go, and the reader should get a picture of characters in their head fairly soon , just little things like what Evan's face looks like or the way Joel walks. Is Evan Handsome or constantly scowling... or both? Does Joel hobble or shuffle?
Another thing, I found it a little hard to keep up with the context. Prince, for me, alludes to a historical setting. Then the mention of the Space Endeavor Program shot me into the future. Maybe this would be explained later (in the next chapter or something) but the context felt a little shaken when the futeristic super-humans were depicted using battle-axes. However, I think that could be fixed simply with some setting of the scene early on.
Moving on, to some more positive things ^_^
I really liked the metaphor here, worked very well, very niceI will unlock his secrets and find the piece I need-" The folder of classified files opened. "for the checkmate."

The plot is very clear, which is excellent. Prince, trying to take over father, super-humans, all in space. It read as something pretty unique, which is never bad! It finishes well too, and leaves strings loose to intice us to keep reading the next part (Hopefully you'll write more?)
Keep up the good work, I think you have a really good story here. I'll be looking out for part two

Points: 2599
Reviews: 25
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