onceuponatim3xo

This was extremely good!! I loved it :D You have such great descriptions and character development. I feel bad that I can't really contribute much editing since I found absolutely ...

This was really good! I love your descriptions :D Nit-pickiness: “I understand that you didn’t really want to come over last time, but I figured it’s only because you didn’t ...

This was really good, but I have some suggestions: Merlyn seems a lot different in this chapter than in chapter one. Before, you said that he was "scaredy-cat" but in ...

Great job! :D All right, onto the crit: Its red light burned with an internal fire. How is there a red light? Is it being emitted from the medallion? If ...

All right, so here goes: closed her eyes briefly. [s]It was a useless reflex, and she knew it.[/s] What was a useless reflex, her closing her eyes? This sentence is ...

That was extremely good! I laughed at the part about Jesus being too supportive. I did spot one thing: filled with men and wom e n surrounding a raised dais ...

Good job, I really liked this! Before potions, professors, This would sound much better as "Before potions and professors" Before the beginning, But till the end, I really, really like ...

I studied my surroundings yet there was nothing to study. This sentence is a tad contradictory, try "I studied my surroundings, yet there was nothing to look at". It was ...

This was really good, great job! It was very suspenseful and kept me reading. A few things though: Lance cursed silently. It seems like he's cursing in his mind, I ...

That was excellent! You definitely have a talent! Some nit-picky stuff: Captain Bear had found it in Arabia, while rummaging through the Veronica’s engine. That sounds much better, me-thinks :) ...

Um, wow, as kittykat said before me, this was very strange. Rae's attitude was very, um, different. You're story does flow very well, but it's a little odd. Also, vampire ...

My back began to ache as I sat up, omit comma and I ran my hand through my knott[s]y[/s] ed , unbrushed hair. I yawned, ey e ing the board ...

The day continued on like any other except the excitement and promise of the later adventure. This sentence is very awkward try something like "The day continued on like any ...

Good job with this, it's very down to earth and believable on your character's parts. Nitpicks: My brother was already in there, brushing his teeth in the obnoxious way he ...

I like your plot so far, but it seems like you rushed into it. The whole thing about the government causing the disease seems a bit abrupt and you keep ...