onceuponatim3xo

Hey shadowed_mist, This is a really great story, but does need some polishing, so: Some things: So [s]I[/s] as I crawled out of my window with my backpack clinging to ...

Hey Lilith, sorry I took so long to crit this - I suddenly became very busy. :) “I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand your game,” Dala grumbled, digging her ...

Hey KailaMarie, congrats on the contest! Sorry this took me so long to get to, I've been having issues with my computer. She was sprawled across her new car, picking ...

Since you asked, you get your critique first! “Write it down,” Damian cooed. Hannah shook her head. “No, it’s not right.” “It’s the truth.” Rhea had joined in on the ...

It was a particularly chilly day, much due to the sun being blocked out by the plumes of smoke; Ann Stark was lost in her thoughts. Nix the semi-colon and ...

This was exteremely good! I loved it! I really like your descriptions and how well the stroy flows. I only caught a few little things: Sometimes, while asleep, he dreamed ...

Hey kevinxd18, This was really good! I loved it! You have great descriptions and this flows really well. One thing that I caught though: The assailant gave a small laugh ...

Hey Shutdown, Ominous grey clouds hung over a small town called Mallard. This isn't very strong for a first sentence, try "Ominous grey clouds hung over the small town of ...

Great job with this, I love the spunk you put into your writing :D Just a few things though: It doesn’t matter that Penny has been an identical twin her ...

Oh, Yatta beat me to the punch on all that little stuff :) Overall this was an amazing piece, I absolutely loved it! Gold star! I really like the opening ...

Hey Henry. All right, so here goes: Chapter I The name is Killer, Max Killer. I was down at the bar scoping out my target. I was hired by an ...

This was excelllent! I laughed so hard :lol: :lol: I was a little confused with this transition though: Of course, he managed to save himself from that particular embarrassment by ...

Hahaha :lol: :lol: :lol: I know it's mean to be laughing about a writer's fans, but just read these posts It's so sad that people can be this excited about ...

This was really good! So good, that I was only able to catch one thing: The [s]cirrus-streaked[/s] sky darkened as a thick haze rose from the [s]bloody[/s] ground. This sentence ...

This was really good :D I like how you portray Bella, it's just like how she is except a lot less annoying. One thing that you might want to change, ...