nutmegan595

Since you put this under short story, I'm going to correct some gramatical and punctuation things. If you like the way it is for the artistic value then you can ...

First of all, sorry it took me so long to finish this but I've been busy. Next, awesome story beginning. I absolutely love that you killed off the whole team ...

That was really good. Nice mystery and you're really leaving me wondering about that key. I also wonder why your narrator is so paranoid. Some of the plot would make ...

I think the idea is good and some of your writing is really nice. I love how detailed you are in certain parts like about the teacher, the boy, and ...

I think this was a good plot but you need to work on being more descriptive in a different way. Your narration is very choppy and action related. Then when ...

I love this idea. On my iTunes account I have a playlist just for when I write my novel. When I finish I'll have to post the soundtrack too. I ...

This is a really cool conversational piece. I like how the main character is talking to a voice in his/her head. I think you could add more details--without breaking conversation--by ...

I like the idea of the poem. But the rhythm throws me off when reading it. I get that you're rhyming, and that's good, but the rhythm of the syllables ...

I like this chapter, but you aren't giving much develop of the characters except in relation to each other. Daniel has a moment where we see a bit of what ...

Really good imagry. I can see the autumn similes and feel the heart-wrenching. I think you need a little more rhythm, however, to really make it poetry. Simply making it ...

I like the story so far. I think you need to take a bit more time developing and describing. You have created an entire fantasy world, so it's a bit ...

I thought the overall poem was really good and is very thought-provoking. I could tell from the first verse that she was talking to God, but the second and third ...

I like the idea and some of it is really good. I think you have a lot of unnecessary swearing. I know a lot of songs nowadays do, but you ...

I like it and think it is very lyrical--I mean this that the words flow nicely. I'm not quite sure about the structure of the song. By saying (To start) ...

I like your story idea and the changing points of view, but I suggest using first person for all of it or third person for all of it. It isn't ...