ninja-Z

well...okay. youve STILL got mixed up tenses...but you probably already know that... :wink: Let’s hope for a prospective future. umm im not sure but i think that prospective should be ...

you still need to fix the past and present tenses...-_-........ When they got half way across the bridge the robot jumped and landed in front of them, blocking their path. ...

The boat smashed through the stonewall that outlines the harbour. this was among many many mistakes that have to do with tenses. you can't switch between present and past tense ...

:D it was okay, but I agree with sumi. I hope you improve, but it was interesting. :)

Yes, he was fond her; could he even be in love with her? this was your only mistake. you could have been a little more original with her moves, and ...

i noticed you have a problem switching tenses : It would all work out in the end so he has nothing to worry about. perhaps it's just a typo, but ...

:D nice (even though i see the lines where I helped you)! i think there could have been a better way for eol to be captured, though than the " ...

:D a few mistakes: Tylor and Squall both saluted said, “I’m ready this should say either "tylor and squall both saluted and said,"I'm ready." or "tylor and squall both saluted, ...

Down the hallway, in the kitchen, something heavy clattered to the ground and shouts from his father's servants echo after it. keep the past tense. it should say:and his fathers ...

okay...sounds good, but one error: It was an old game, and he had beaten in just last week, but it was his favourite Final Fantasy game. this should be either:he ...

this is the first scifi on yws that ive read..i must say its interesting but a bit confusing :? well...the simulation thing is cool...and a little humor sprinkled on top ...

:D great! There are once again a few mistakes I picked up. letting fall to the newspaper strewn ground . This should say: letting it fall to the newspaper strewn ...

nice description!!! yeah. "knuckled" should be "knuckles", and "a shimmering shards of light " should be either "shimmering shards of light"or "a shimmering shard of light". :( Overall, very realistic