nickelodeon

I thought it was really good. I can picture what Hannah is like when she's playing. You described it really well. I liked how "I" turned out to be Jeremy, ...

"During some lunch hours, he hangs out with shady looking youth underneath the stairwell." This is the only sentence that didn't seem to fit (in my opinion at least.) I ...

This had an interesting setting. I wasn't sure who was doing the speaking in the first paragraph. When you change speakers, start a new paragraph. (If the speaker didn't change ...

You did a good job of conveying an image. I can pretty much picture the scene. (It reminds me a lot of the movie, Mulan, for some reason.) You had ...

It's not really the kind of story that will stick with me, but when really enjoyed it while i was reading it. I don't know if that's what you're going ...

It was interesting. Definitely not like anything else i've ever read, which is why it caught my attention. (That's good!) Moving on to SUGGESTIONS! Make it flow better! You are ...

Ok, this story definitely has possibilities, but i agree with the majority of your other critiques. It really needs to be proofread and edited. Grammar, writing technicalities, etc., aside... Right ...

Wow. That was really good. "But who I have become finds the sacrifice too much." At first, this line confused me. Then i read it again, and it made sense. ...

Ok, i think it's pretty good! its deep, not a silly little fun story. I really like the... analogy, i guess you'd say... of conscience and pinprick. Very creative, very ...

"in the bitter Monday daybreak;" This line bugged me. MonDAY DAY break seemed sort of repetitive. Maybe you could reword to have it flow better. It really made me think ...

It was an interesting story. However, it leaves me with the following questions: The whole middle paragraph, (describing the sweets and water cooler, etc.) left me a little bit puzzled. ...

It was intriguing. (hahaha i love that word!) Seriously, though, it did catch my attention and made me want to continue reading. Suggestions: In the first line, consider using hyphens ...

Ok, well i happened to like it a lot. It's kind of realistic. There's not much to a rabbit's life. He runs, he dies, he's gone. I thought it flowed ...

I'm don't really care for "On the road by the swampy toads." To me, it seems like you just added the swampy toad part to make it rhyme. In the ...

I really like it. It flows very nicely, and i like how it has a pattern of repeating "The same way you ____ me" "Make her giggle" and "Caress her" ...