niccy_v

A small rabbit had become her dinner; . no comma! Erupting from her throat were stifled sobs; water fell from her eyes. Maybe instead of a semi colon, go 'sobs, ...

back hurt some much It should be so much myself straight, and my feet, they were the worst, I could literally feel them bleed This is a bit long. Especially ...

There were a few grammar errors here and there, I think. Could be wrong, but after your in depth critiques on my work, maybe you could have more pauses - ...

Let's see what I can do to this horrible little thing that keeps cropping up on me. Joking, of course. But it does keep popping up! Haha... hurt me, too ...

When I got to school the next day I was ready for it to be over. First and second block flew bye, then I got to go trig. You jump ...

He was smiling at me! [s]He was smiling at me![/s] But why? I don't really see the need for the repeat... “Hi, Chris.” Oh. My. Gosh. He remembered my name! ...

Don't hold back? Sure. converse I have been told to avoid this in my stories. I agree because it really ages your writing. If this is still around in 10 ...

Argh the final chapter for now? Noooo. Is this in past tense? You seem to use present an awful lot of present... Her death—or more exactly—the way that she died ...

house engulfed in flames behind us Feels like a scene right out of some action flick. Again, I question you, not about DNA this time, but fire is damn obvious ...

Definitely adore this story! But I am having a slight issue with the things Jacob is going through. Personality changes maybe one too many? haha. And the use of the ...

Another brilliant piece JD. Though not as good as part 1... maneuver manoeuvre unless that is the british spelling?? I am going with possibly being the US spelling above because ...

Okay JD let's get this out of the way. No one should ever let anyone tell him that his life is not as awful as he believes Nobody should allow ...

Oh, this was quite cute. So her father was there all along? He was the character who really frustrated me. He was never there when she wanted him, and then ...

Sorry this took so long. Here you go: Nitpicks have mostly been done, but as for the story: It was kind of fast paced. First of all she was with ...

I do not usually do poetry, I think this is my second ever :shock: so if none of this helps, I apologise in advance! Little girl so lost, Sunken so ...