narniafreak12

Hi! I'm Narniafreak! I hope I help. First, if needed, split the story up into parts, so reviewers aren't overwhelmed with the length and decide to skip out helping. [ie. ...

Hi! I'm Narnifreak! First off, I like the detail and where this story is going. It sounds like it's going to be good. I hope my other comments help. he ...

Hi! I'm Narniafreak! My comments will be in parentheses and italics. I hope they help. "Man, I love friday nights. Don't you?" I told my best friend, as we walked ...

Hi! I'm Narniafreak! I hope my comments help! Third paragraph [[the long one]] could be split up into smaller paragraphs so readers don’t have to feel overwhelmed reading it. Also, ...

Hi! Okay, this was pretty good. I just don’t really know who these people are, I mean I guess they are against the three girls from the beginning. Also, the ...

Hi! I’m Narniafreak! Interesting beginning. It definitely caught my attention, and left me with questions of what Harlequin Park is all about. Good Job! Okay first instead of using apostrophes ...

HI! I'm Narnifreak! I just wanted to say Wow! That was really good. I really liked it and it kept me reading... =] How did Chrisa shoot hundreds of feet ...

Hi! I'm back again! Very good once more! Would they take her to Barbslo? I gritted my teeth. This is the thanks I get for taking care of her kids? ...

Hi! I'm Narniafreak! Cute Story! =] “Santa,” she whispered. Santa whipped around and his mouth mocked Deseries. Alright, since Deseries says "Santa" her mouth isn't in an "O" shape which ...

Wow! I really liked it. It kept me guessing on what she was going to do and stuff. Anyways I'm Narniafreak! It was the eve of the October fall Okay ...

Hi! I'm Narniafreak! I hope my reviews help! through the iron air. Bringing shudders to those awaiting death You might want to change the period after "air" to a semi-colon, ...

Hi! I'm Narniafreak! I really liked this and hope to read more later. I shimmy into the old, gray hoodie that’s only half way on Alright, I don't think "shimmy" ...

Wow! Okay that ending took my breath away and I seriously stared at the computer screen gaping. Good job! The action with him running from the fire kept me reading ...

Hi! I'm back! Hope this helps too! Sure, Mrs. Smith…Just let me finish my harvesting time "just" doesn't need to be capitalized since it's still part of the sentence with ...

HI! I'm Narniafreak! I hope my reviews help and not confuse you more! First, for no one walked down these roads anymore I think "these" need to be changed to ...