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Looove it! It is so imaginative, very unique, and I love the characters. I've got a couple nitpicks that haven't been covered yet, and then I will do an overview on things like characters, setting, plot, and the like. Corrections will be in red.

And oh, did they queue, the children and adults alike, in front of the Harlequin doors waiting to get a sneaky glimpse of The Park through the letterboxes!

And #FF0000 ">Painted in watercolours, on the blue sky above them all, viewable across the entire country, were these words#FF0000 ">:

The Harlequin Adventure Park,

Where The Sun met The Moon,

But Day never met Night.

The prize and the challenges#FF0000 ">, guests were welcomed to take part in#FF0000 ">, #FF0000 ">were decided upon by The Harlequin Imagineers. These meetings were held in a secret location.

‘Odd, strange, and peculiar you ask? Yes! I want the fantastically absurd and the brilliantly obscene! Holy toad toes!’ The Ringleader exclaimed. ‘It takes a lot more imagination to believe in the extraordinary, and the stronger their imagination, the less likely we‘re going to fade!’ His lips were lilac and glossy! His goatee beard was pink! He had an orange moustache! His spiky claw-like eyelashes were lime green! His eyebrows were yellow! And his eye colour, like all the other Harlequins around him, changed every time he blinked!

‘I say, we give them a heart-stopping challenge.’ The Danger Ranger suggested. He too was multi-coloured, and his skin was covered with cuts and scrapes, bandages and bruises. #FF0000 ">New paragraph. ‘Yes my brave man, I must agree, that would sort out the wimps from the winners!’ The Toy Soldier agreed patting #FF0000 ">the Danger Ranger on the back.

BOOM! The high reaching double doors were pushed open, startling #FF0000 ">the Doll. The Pirate stood there glaring, with her hands on her hips, blowing her chewing gum in the shape of a parrot, so that it actually flew over the heads of the Imagine#FF0000 ">ers, and out through the balcony. #FF0000 ">New paragraph.‘I say we kidnap every last child.’ The Pirate said indifferently#FF0000 ">, strolling her way across the carpet, and sitting herself down on the table instead of a chair.

She started to drum the table with her fingernails, which were changing colour every time they touched the table. The Danger Ranger was entranced, and was nodding his head to the beat.’

‘If we kidnap them#FF0000 ">, they'll be found missing!’ The Doll said nervously, she didn't want to upset The Pirate. ‘In my opinion, I think that would not only be a horrid thing to do, but also a risk to#FF0000 ">o far.’

‘There will be no kidnapping as long as I'm the Ringleader.’ The Ringleader declared, putting an end to their disagreement. ‘Do you get it? Ringleader! Leader!’ He chuckled, trying measly to diffuse the tension. The Pirate muttered darkly under her breath and glared over at the balcony where she could see The Sun and The Moon peering into the chamber room#FF0000 ">. Make this a new sentence. They hastily whistled and pretended not to be spying.

‘Now, has anyone got any ideas for the competition winner’s prize?’ The Ringleader asked, glancing over at each Imagineer. The Geisha was dreamily looking away, so The Ringleader glanced at The Red Fox, she was in deep conversation with The Husky, so The Ringleader glanced over at The Gypsy who was starring into her crystal ball. ‘Look at how many children are lining up to enter The Harlequin Park this summer!’ The Gypsy said hungrily in her misty voice, her crystal ball was reflecting the long lines of children outside The Harlequin Doors.

‘Let’s see who can dance the best!’ The Doll suggested, getting off her chair and standing on her toes.

'Oh! How wonderfully#FF0000 ">, wonderful that is, Doll my dear!’ The Ringleader beamed#FF0000 ">. New Sentence here. He put one hand on her back and holding her plastic hand, they swayed around the room. The Doll giggled silkily. The Pirate frowned. #FF0000 ">New pargraph. ‘Let’s get on with this meeting!’ She barked. ‘I don't like being on land longer then what is necessary!’ She took The Ringleader's quill, and pressing hard against the scroll of parchment, she scribed down her suggestion.

The Pirate winked, and somersaulted backwards, over the balcony, and landed safely, on her high heeled boots, on the ground.

‘But the meeting isn't finished yet!’ The Ringleader reminded her#FF0000 ">, waggling his finger disapprovingly.

‘Oh, you are a horrible little thief! Oh#FF0000 ">, you awful, awful, bully! You should be ashamed of yourself! Oh, you disgust me, you, you, you!’ The Doll cried after her. ‘Oh, oh, oh,’ The Pirate mimicked The Doll without looking around. ‘Do shut up!’

‘We'll do that!’ The Ringleader decided#FF0000 ">, having read #FF0000 ">the Pirate#FF0000 ">'s recommendation.

‘Ah, the wonderful wonder that is Dream-Dust.’ The Ringleader said#FF0000 ">, sniffing in the twinkling breeze that was carrying golden glittering particles. The sky was split right in the middle, the left side was in darkness, and the right was a bright blue#FF0000 ">. Start a new sentence here. The Moon was talking to The Sun, but then greeting The Harlequins said, ‘Hello! Ding-dong-do! Is the meeting over?’ #FF0000 ">New paragraph.‘Yes it is, and we're going to have whole load of fun this summer.’ The Ringleader grinned, revealing his horrible teeth, (there was a gap in between each tooth!) as he put his arm round The Doll whose eyes were crying glitter tears.

Thus far, I'm hooked! I love it! It's unique, WAY original, and totally captivating. I love your characters, and I think my favorite is The Pirate!

There are only a few things wrong that I can see. One, is that each character should get his/her own paragraph whenever they speak. You jumble several up together, which makes things slightly confusing. I'll admit that I did that at first, but it was the first thing I learned to correct, so it's turned into a big deal for me. Plus, it makes things less confusing.

Also, while you can use single quotes (') for dialogue, the double quotes (") are more common and easier to understand. So it's not vital you change that, it's merely a suggestion.

One last thing, I find I can barely picture your characters. For some reason, I kept picturing the Doll as a bunny, and your Pirate as sort of a female version of Jack Sparrow, but meaner and less quirky. Plus, your wide array of characters may prove difficult to use, and I wonder the significance of The Red Fox, The Husky, and a few others. Give us details and everything should work better!

I'm glad you didn't give away the Pirate's idea, because that was definately a huge hook. Also, I must say, I love how you made the Sun and Moon talk. It's like a little kid's fantasy land! I love it! Keep writing! And maybe PM me when you post chapter two? Thanks for the awesome read!

~Addict

Hi! I’m Narniafreak! Interesting beginning. It definitely caught my attention, and left me with questions of what Harlequin Park is all about. Good Job!

Okay first instead of using apostrophes when someone talks use quotations. Also, every time a different person talks make a new paragraph so readers don’t get confused [[like I did a few times]] on who is talking.

There’s a small bit of an info dump at the beginning that could be changed, but I think it’d be alright if you left it how it is.

You use conjunctions [and, but, or, yet etc.] at the beginning of a lot of your sentences. Technically, those are incorrect, so you might want to change a few.

Here’s a few things I found that might need changed.

and one thing was certain; things were shaping up to be pretty odd

The Harlequin Park opened during every school holiday, but only during the summer holidays the Harlequin Tree-House Competition was held.

His lips were lilac and glossy! His goatee beard was pink! He had an orange moustache! His spiky claw-like eyelashes were lime green! His eyebrows were yellow! And his eye colour, like all the other Harlequins around him, changed every time he blinked!

The high reaching double doors were pushed open, startling The Doll.

She started to drum the table with her fingernails, which were changing colour every time they touched the table

I think that would not only be a horrid thing to do, but also a risk to far.’

‘My crew and The Handsome Women, my dear ship,