miyaviloves

not a lofty, What's a lofty in this sense? ahah sorry if it bovious :\ In all honesty I didn't like this, it could be a children's book but no ...

Hmm, sorry to say but I didn't like this, just becuase it's short I think you have not given it what it deserves. I dunno, to me it was just ...

I really liked this, its mature and has meaning to it. You say that you speak your poetry, Since you said that I can understand how some lines are said ...

OK, Mad pretty much pointet out what needs changing here so I wont go into that :) What i think of the whole peices so far: I love the way ...

Yay for getting fat! I agree with Mad on this bit, it really dosen't seem what Jamie would say. Other than that, this was another great part, its getting really ...

You do use very um whats the word...strong subjects in your poems, but unlike Faith i think you do it well. Sure, its not a common thing that people write ...

Yeah as Astro said please space this it would make it far much more easier to read. air. Finally, I couldn’t stand the lack of air. Lol, i will apologise ...

Two number 6's??? *just read the bit at the bottom lol* Jamie's mom chucked as she left the room. Her Mom what?? :S another great peice, I have fallen in ...

I do it to prove that I can. this line stood out to me in the whole thing, it's really strong, like she is saying I can do this to ...

I really love where you are going with this, its really powerful and emotional. I feel really clos to Jamie already (wow its weird spelling Jamie like that lol). I ...

Oooh you have made it longer :D I like it more now, but still: Because you hit her for the last time today, and she said she wouldn't, couldnt do ...

yay I'm onto part three :D Hmm...Speak of the devil... Jamie was sitting on the couch, staring at-but not seeing- the television. Her mother was in the kitchen. A noise ...

ok here we go :D below. making her unable -Should be a capital M or is it supposed to be a comma there? Reading it now it dosen't make sense... ...

OK, i answered your poll to 'needs work' I like this poem, but I dunno...i think that you could make it much better by adding more imagery maybe? Gone in ...

I like this, So later I shall go back and read the rest :D Rightyho: when she say Jamie -Should be saw right? She could go anywhere, Jamie believed that ...