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Re: Sabihah's Note part 11 and 12
First of all, this would be a lot easier to read if you left a space between each paragraph. Right now it just appears as a huge jumble of words, ...
Jun 25, 2010 -
Re: Face(less)book Chapter 1.4
The story is interesting but the grammer is patchy. You should try using spellcheck because I saw a few spelling errors too. Also, the beginning is too abrupt and doesn't ...
Jun 25, 2010 -
Re: Wrath of a Grecian Moon (3)
Well, silversun, I just don't know how you do it. Once again you have a creative, constantly developing plot that enthralls readers and pulls them in. You have realistic, believable ...
Sep 17, 2009 -
Re: Santa Fe Sunset
PLEASE POST THE NEXT CHAPTER SOON!!!!!! Or just go ahead and post the whole book so I can find out what happens. The story has a few grammar errors and ...
Sep 17, 2009 -
Re: Queen of Hearts
So...the poem's pretty good but it has one huge flaw. It isn't a poem- it's a paragraph. And it's fine if you keep it the way it is because it's ...
Sep 9, 2009 -
Re: A Ballad From The Broken Hearted
Sorry if I seem kind of harsh in my review. I put a lot of my own thoughts and opinions into my critiques and you should feel free to ignore ...
Sep 3, 2009 -
Re: The Mayor's daughter (chapter 2)
Once again, the plot is sort of sketchy. M Main concern with this section is when Beth accuses Ethan of robbery. What evidence did she have? And even if she ...
Jul 28, 2009 -
Re: The Mayor's Daughter
Pretty good story so far. The main thing I would work on is the dialogue. It's really choppy and doesn't sound like anything somebody would actually say. Also, capitalization and ...
Jul 28, 2009 -
Re: Preface_My_Story
Sorry, I don't have time for a full-blown review but Rain Wanderer pretty much covered my complaints. I absolutely love the story so far. It's exactly the kind I love ...
Jul 28, 2009 -
Re: Let them Listen
I don't have time for a full blown review right now, so I'm going to be quick. It sounds like you have a pretty decent story so far. My main ...
Jul 28, 2009 -
Re: You're Not Perfect
This sounds like its going to be a great story and I can't wait to read more. Still, I have a few complaints. First of all, there are tons of ...
Jul 28, 2009 -
Re: I am...not
Pretty good! The main problem I found was that you use a lot of unnecesary words that just gunk up your poem instead of making it better. I think that ...
Jul 27, 2009 -
Re: I try
For a poem written on the spot, it's pretty good. Nevertheless, I have a few suggestions, which you should feel free to ignore if you so choose, most of which ...
Jul 27, 2009 -
Re: Unclaimed [1]
The girl unveiled her deep brown eyes, as she awoke into a new day. Mel sighed and got up. These sentences don't really match up; you switch from calling the ...
Jul 23, 2009 -
Re: once opon a moonlit hour
Okay I pretty much just rewrote the poem including punctuation (which you forgot to include) and any other changes I though might work. You can read through it and see ...
Jul 21, 2009
