lukasagitta

I really loved this! Very powerful. I have a few nitpicks, though. I didn't expect to see my daughter to be a firewoman but here she was. I think this ...

As Griffinkeeper said, this was hard to read because of the blocks of text. Try spacing the paragraphs out a bit more. When the pain of loss shows in a ...

Man, this was such a powerful piece! Did the angels catch them when they jumped and bear them to the heavens? Or are their souls still buried in ash? This ...

beacause it Should be "because." succesful Should be "successful." The first three stanzas were really powerful, and I quite enjoyed them. It got weaker after that, though. The first line ...

You have really nice imagery here, but some of it just doesn't make sense. Frozen air drifted from her lips? Why would her lips be colder than the air around ...

"Well , stop going out and getting drunk with Ted and Bill!" My wife was screaming again. Her voice echoed in my head and was irritating me to the point ...

I was bored of the chemical confines of my stirring and recurring insanity. I really like this! It paints a great picture. he said to me, in his un-even tone; ...

Aaargh, so creepy, but I was compelled to keep reading! The cookie my first grade teacher made for me, and wrote my name on top of with curly, red icing. ...

DrunkOnWriting already pointed out the lack of punctuation, so moving on from that... Shake the early sunset off our backs Pluck snowflakes from our eyelashes And tuck them away Loooove ...

This was a pleasure to read! The imagery was absolutely beautiful and the flow was effortless. I loved the repetition of "again"--it really hit the main idea home, if the ...

This was really enjoyable! I just spotted a few errors. ‘Chrissy, don’t do that, it’s so unhygienic. Really, child, do I always to remind you?’ I think this qualifies as ...

I really liked this, but I spotted a bunch of easily-fixed errors. His ribs almost broke the skin and his gut seemed to recede to his spine I really liked ...

Jeez, this was powerful, but I liked it! I like the rhyme scheme, but why did you change it in the last stanza? I think it works anyway, but hm. ...

Ahhh, Prohibition. What a failure of an amendment. Mm, I really like this. The dialogue was really nice. It didn't feel too inaccessible, but I could definitely tell that they ...

I don't know if this is a stylistic choice or not, but the huge wall-of-text paragraph was a bit hard on the eyes. Try putting it into more manageable paragraphs, ...