Published August 4, 2011
Once Again
To be the droplet of water descending from a gull’s wing
falling, splitting in the air, time abating
Silvery moonlight, glittering through the rain
serenity reaches the night once again.
Old love feels like a blow to the chest
breath aching below your breast
Anything new and to gasp is a strain
I begin to wonder if I will ever breathe again
Still a little unsure of what to say
I turn to face things I thought I put away
Words and thoughts, a haze in my brain
as colors of feeling ebb inside me again
The breeze, the moon, the sea, the air
then time moves on when it seems least fair
and finally the feelings make it plain
I think I’m falling in love once again.
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137,573 Literary Works • 672,048 Reviews
So I think this was a great poem. I was just thinking how it could be made even greater. Not to say that my suggestions will do that, but that's what I would do. I love your imagery. Really, its great. Keep it up!
This is a wonderful poem with a very simple idea that is told in a beautiful way. Really awesome job. However, there are a few places that I felt myself stumbling as I was reading. When the words flow together it makes it that much better.
What I found was mostly in the first stanza. For example:
These two lines together were a bit awkward since there were so many more syllables in the first line than the second. The rhyme you used was a little awkward as well. Wing, abating. I don't know. I'm probably being too picky. If you think it's okay then keep it.
I would suggest reading it aloud to see if you find yourself stumbling. If the words flow nicely together, then great! But like I said, I think there are a few instances of this that are probably quick fixes.
Lovely job with the conclusion. You have some amazing imagery going on there. Altogether a wonderful piece.
I hope this was helpful.
~Devan
This was a pleasure to read! The imagery was absolutely beautiful and the flow was effortless. I loved the repetition of "again"--it really hit the main idea home, if the title didn't do the trick beforehand. I think this poem really captures the feeling of falling in love--but not in a forceful way, either. By the end of the poem, I naturally came to the same conclusion.
I actually read this aloud, because I was curious. The rhythm is good, as well.
I don't really have any critique, unfortunately. I'm not as good at judging poetry as others. Still, please keep writing!