Published August 3, 2011
Closet doors open
Drawers part their lips
Waiting for us to shed our winter layers
So we thaw from the ice
Shake the early sunset off our backs
Pluck snowflakes from our eyelashes
And tuck them away
Away
The leaves return and
Hold their homes in a long embrace
But they shake a little more with every breeze
And the trees know then that the leaves don’t keep promises, won’t stay
Stay
Under the earth and under the snow
Grass and flowers wait patiently for their cue
They know when to emerge from years of rehearsal
And sometimes they wonder if they can sleep one more day
Another month, another week
Or an extra year
And who would notice, or if anyone really cared
Then they remember
Remember that happiness isn’t in the dirt
Or under the snow
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137,573 Literary Works • 672,048 Reviews
Your poem is beautiful and poetic!!! I couldn't find any errors with anything. I loved the imagery, and the following reviews I am going to do for you will mainly be focused on how you capture the audience. In this poem, you did awesome!! Good job!! Keep writing!!
I love this so much! I'm not going to say anything about punctuation because i do the same thing.
The wording is perfect!
"But they shake a little more with every breeze
And the trees know then that the leaves don’t keep promises, won’t stay
[i]Stay[/]"
That was my favorite part! It was so sad, but so well said! I also love your use of the italicized words. It just makes it flow.
Well anyway, I loved this
Keep writing!
thank you so much! and yeah i'll fix the punctuation soon...
DrunkOnWriting already pointed out the lack of punctuation, so moving on from that...
Loooove this imagery right here. It's beautiful. Your word choice is perfect--"shake", "pluck", "tuck." All so strong.
Aaargh, this part got me. So sad.
; A;
You made the act of thawing into such an emotional, vivid experience. I loved your metaphors, your imagery, your word choice, and the flow. Keep up the good work!
Good point. I'm usually a grammar freak, but whenever I write poetry, I just always forget... haha thanks!
A gorgeous poem, I really like the concept! Your imagery is beautiful, and the poem itself is well written.
My only concern is the lack of punctuation. This is a very important concept in poetry and clearly you have none. The problem, however, is easily repaired! Here is an example of one of your stanzas with the punctuation I would use:
This was a simple example punctuation-wise. Make sure to vary it a little, using things like semi-colons and dashes, not JUST commas and periods.
Just a little thing