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I agree with the previous reviews: this is a great start with a lot of potential. Some things you could work on to improve your "showing not telling": It seems ...

This thing is peppered with metaphores and similies, and it's making me sneeze! :wink: Seriously, though, you might want to rethink some of those. Shedding sleep like onionskins. Huh? Flakes ...

Haha, I love it! Personally, I don't like Al Gore much, and I agree that he didn't really deserve that prize. But I don't think that's the only reason I ...

Pretty good. The formatting's a little weird. It does seem sort of like a free-verse poem for the most part, though some parts seem like they'd do better as prose. ...

Well done! It does a really good job of keeping the reader's attention, even though it's only about making toast. :D I think I guessed that it was toast by ...

Hey, don't knock junior year, that was the best year of my life so far! :wink: Now that I'm a senior this year, I have to panic about getting scolarchip/college ...

Pretty good! I love the whole re-writing fairy tales idea. The first thing I ever wrote outside of school was a re-telling of Little Red Riding Hood, so the whole ...

Well, this was certainly an intriguing piece. Sometimes it was a little confusing, not really knowing what "It" is, but that adds to the mystery and draws the reader in ...

Yeah, I have to agree with everyone else that it needs more to it. Don't take this wrong--I know you wrote it awhile ago--but the way it is now it ...

Very nice! I could hear it in my head fairly well, which is always a good sign. (It would be easier if I didn't already have another song stuck in ...

:shock: Whoa, so you're saying that people actually abuse you for having red hair?? :evil: I've never heard of such a thing! In the U.S., we have a lot of ...

I like it. It's very peaceful. I'm not really big on Haiku usually (I guess in general I favor rhyming poetry), but this is really nice. I can almost see ...

Okay, that was... odd. It did have some good parts, though. Like Clau said, you need to re-format it to be a proper script. If this is meant for stage, ...

Ooh! I love radio plays! My drama class did them last winter. It was so much fun! :D Well, I've really enjoyed it so far. I agree with almost everyone ...

Yay!! You finally got the new version up!! :elephant: Okay, so you asked me for a sound shredding. You do know what you're in for, right? This is a full-blown ...