liesgirl

This seems like a good start, but a bit confusing. You keep referencing Annie. At the end we realize that she's your sister, but it would have been helpful to ...

I loved this! it seemed so meaningful, if only I could have something to relate it to. It looks like it is part of a larger play, so I won't ...

It's a good argument, though probably not popular. You seemed to focus on one point your whole paper, though. If you want to make a more substantial argument, you may ...

It's good writing, very concise. It doesn't give many details, though. Where has his system been implemented? Does it work in all environments? It seems like it would fit in ...

Short and sweet, I like it! You got all the most jarring points in in such a short poem. Twice you used the line "Today, they'll make hist'ry," but never ...

I prefer doing the more general stuff, so here goes: Some of your sentences, while maybe they aren't run-ons, seem too long. "One side of me gets a kick out ...

If this is the start of a book, you may want to introduce the characters a bit more, or at least give us an idea of where they are or ...

You've made a great start. Your descriptions paint vivid pictures, and your word choice is exquisite. Sometimes the flow doesn't seem quite right, though. The paragraphs don't need to be ...

You make a great point, about the death penalty. The idea is a fresh one, and sounds like it would work for all those concerned. There is only one thing ...