kayles

Your imagery is good however your grammatical and punctuation errors really weigh your piece down. It may help for you to read your piece out loud to yourself to be ...

This is a really strong piece, your imagery and descriptions are excellent - you really get under your reader's skin. The emotions are good too, I like the way you ...

Love it! Completely hilarious and very original. In addition to Misty's notes, this passage was a little confusing to me: “In my view, Tomatoism is a great way to start ...

Love this piece! It seems futuristic with the selling of babies, but when you think about it, its only a short step away from buying sperm and such from sperm ...

Very powerful piece, particularly considering its length. Very well written, although perhaps a little sensory/emotional description in some places could strengthen your piece. The end is also a littl

Your characterization is excellent, and you clearly convey the scene. However there isn't a lot of sympathy generated for Diana - in fact, she seems a bit of a brat. ...

Aha! I found the next bit :D Narrative drive is excellent, I love how you tie the two separate scenes of the piece together at the end of the chapter. ...

Love the concept, and its well written besides a few minor spelling and punctuation mistakes. At times you tend to tell the reader what's going on rather than showing them ...

Fantastic piece! The imagery is excellent and the twist is good, but I agree with gadi, if you were to tweak it a little, it could be even stronger. Personally, ...

I actually really like the opening scene with Mary-Jane Merrick - I've The Elephant Man film many times, but never really knew much about his mother, so despite a previous ...

This piece is excellent! The beginning reminds of Dylan Moran style monologues that appear in the British TV series 'Black Books'. Some trivial points: "getting me a shoe and he ...

I've read this a few times now, and I have mixed feelings about it. The opening paragraph is good - you convey the emotion well, the feeling of wanting to ...

I agree with B, I've written very emotionally charged pieces about events in my own life before, and its not hard to get caught up in the memory when you're ...

This is a goof piece, I agree with Magyk, I want to know what happens next! There are a few grammatical mistakes, and you could benefit from commas in places, ...

I like this, its cute! But there were a couple of jarring points:, like "Mary Jane’s, the scuff-marks on the toes obvious on the toes" - the repetitive use to ...