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Young Writers Society



Pre-Teen Diaries

by Enigma


Don't know where exactly this came from, but I enjoyed writing it. :wink: I just woke up...and there it was, just out of nowhere. Ah well. Enjoy!

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“Here you go, Mrs. Hue.” She said with a bright grin.

Slowly, her teacher extended her hand and grasped the paper; she gave it a quick skim as she addressed the student that stood before her desk, “Did you check and double check your answers to be sure you didn’t make any careless mistakes.” After quickly looking it over, Mrs. Hue placed the sheet on her desk and locked eyes with the younger girl.

She stood with her chin held high, a satisfied smile replacing the grin, “Don’t be silly, Mrs. H, this is me we’re talking. I don’t make careless or mistakes, or any mistakes at all actually.”

Mrs. Hue picked up a red sharpie and popped the cap off. Again, she took the paper in her hand, and she smiled weakly, “Well, there is a first time for everything, Miss Bradshaw.” She nodded to the third desk in the fifth row, “Now take your seat while I grade this.”

Diana did as she was told and turned around to face the rest of the class. Her classmates were all still hunched over in their desks, deep concentration clearly visible on their faces as they tried to calculate the math equations. They all seemed so serious, with their wrinkled foreheads and furrowed eyebrows.

Diana sighed, pleased with herself for taking yet another math test without any difficulty at all, and pranced back to her desk. She plopped herself in her seat and stared at the white clock that sat up against the wall in the front of the room. There was still a whole thirty minutes of class left! Diana sighed and tapped her pencil against the edge of her desk as she tried to think of something she could do within that time.

“Could you stop, please?” whispered someone to her left. Diana turned to the person, a boy with a mass of curly brown hair haloed on the top of his head: AJ, her crush. It was during the first few weeks of school that Diana found herself having puppy love feelings toward AJ. She knew that something was a little off ever since last year, in the fourth grade, when she would start feeling strange, yet welcoming, sensations course through her whenever he was nearby. They had been friends since second grade, and never before had she felt such odd tingling and jitters.

She gazed at him with a half grin as she continued her rhythmic tapping, “Stop what?” she teased.

He rolled his eyes and whispered back, “The pencil tapping! I can’t concentrate.”

She arched a brow and seized her beating, “Concentrate? For what! That test was super easy.” She started tapping again, “You would have been done already if you had actually studied, like I told you to.” She giggled quietly and turned back to the clock, still tapping; twenty-five minutes left.

AJ rolled his eyes again and sighed loudly, a bit too loudly as a matter of fact. Mrs. Hue looked up from her desk and tried to pin point the source of the sudden noise, “No talking.”

‘Since when is sighing the same as talking?’ Diana thought to herself.

“Oh, and please stop tapping, Diana. You are disturbing the other students.” She demanded. Diana nodded and placed her pencil down in her lap as AJ smirked and went back to his test.

‘Hmm’, She thought, ‘I know.’ Diana raised her hand to get Mrs. Hue’s attention. But seeing as that wasn’t going to work, since she was busy checking over projects, Diana got up from her seat and walked down the aisle between the desks to her teacher, “Mrs. H?” she whispered.

Bridget Hue, Diana’s fifth grade math teacher, placed one last “X” on the wrong answer of Rachyl Clarkson’s project, and looked up at Diana, “Yes?”

“Can I go to the bathroom?”

Mrs. Hue looked up at the clock; fifteen minutes, “Can you wait?” she asked with a soft smile.

Diana shook her head, “No. It’s one of those female emergencies,” she whispered with a wink.

Mrs. Hue just sat there for a second, gazing up at Diana with an expressionless face. Then, finally, it cracked into a smile and she folded her hands together, “You’ve already taken a trip to the restroom this week because of a female emergency. How many female emergencies can you have?”

Diana’s eyes shifted left and right as she tried to think of an excuse, “Umm. It’s… leaking?”

Mrs. Hue chuckled and shook her head, pointing to Diana’s desk, “Have a seat, Miss Bradshaw.” She looked back at the clock, “You have ten minutes left.”

Diana sighed and gave up on trying to find a way to get out of class. She walked back to her seat, but not before being tripped by two crossed legs that sat jutted out in the middle of the floor. Diana’s foot caught beneath the person’s ankle, sending her flying face first to the ground, but she held her hands out to prevent herself from busting her face in.

For a second, Diana just stayed on the ground, abashed. Then, when she heard giggling as everyone in class got up from their desks to see what klutz had tripped up, that embarrassment turned into anger; she stood up and slammed her hands on Kate’s desk, glaring at her nose-to-nose, “What was that for?”

Kate sat, unaffected by the sudden close contact, “Didn’t I tell you I’d get you back for what you did in the hall?”

Diana rolled her eyes and backed off, “For the last time, it was an accident! Ac-ci-dent!”

“Oh right, and I guess you trying to push me down the jungle gym stairs was an accident too!”

Diana nodded, “Yes!”

“What’s going on here?” Mrs. Hue intervened. She got up from her desk and came to stand by the two younger girls.

“Nothing.” Diana stated, folding her arms across her chest, “Kate’s just holding another grudge over something stupid, and she’s decided to trip me for it.”

Kate glared, but said nothing as Mrs. Hue addressed her, “Is this true?” Kate drooped down in her chair, also folding her arms across her chest.

She stared angrilly at the wooden desk surface, as if it was the cause of all this; she mumbled, “Yes.”

Mrs. Hue leaned forward so that her ear was in Kate’s face, “What was that?”

“Yes!” she cried, jumping up from her desk to stand in front of Diana, “Why don’t you tell her why, Ana? Tell her why I’m holding a ‘grudge over something stupid’! Maybe it's because you knocked all of my books and papers to the ground in the hallway, and didn’t even bother to help me pick them back up, even though there was one minute left before the late bell rang and my class was still five minutes away! Or, maybe I’m holding stupid grudges because you decided you wanted to try and push me down the stairs of the jungle gym!”

“Accident!” Diana shouted. “Am I speaking Latin to you?”

Kate rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips, “Oh! Look at Baby Annie trying to be all big and bad! One of the quietest girls in the class. But, I mean I guess she has to do something to get her little crush to notice her and finally ask her out!” At this, she turned to AJ, “She’s putting on a show for you, Ayden, at least try to look amused.”

“Girls! Stop this now!” Cried Mrs. Hue, trying to pull them apart.

The two yanked free of her grip around their forearms and Diana moved closer to Kate, speaking in a low whisper, “I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t say anything about that. You promised me!”

Kate backed up and grinned, “Why are you whispering, Annie? It’s impolite to keep secrets.”

“Hey, hey, hey!” Mrs. Hue shouted, this time yanking them both hard by the arm so that they would separate, “Stay after class. The both of you!”

Just then, the bell rang, signaling that class was now over. Everyone scattered about the room, trying to gather their things. Kate sat at her desk and Diana took the one right beside it; they watched their classmates buddy up with their friends and whisper, gossiping no doubt, and race out of the class. It was only when AJ was on his way out the door did Diana look away, finding the posters on the opposite wall to be much more interesting.

She really did hate Kate at the moment. The little brat swore she wouldn’t tell anyone about her crush on Ayden, and now he knew, as did their whole math class and probably every person in China too.

After the last person had finally left the classroom, Mrs. Hue closed the door and stood before the girls, staring down at them with a rare look of disappointment.

Diana was ashamed of herself for letting Kate get to her like that; it was a never-ending battle between them. One day they would be friends, the next day they would be enemies. And now, Mrs. Hue, her most favorite teacher, was looking down at her. She felt so small right then, small enough to slip between the crack in the tiled floor. Mrs. Hue hardly ever showed a sign of disappointment to anyone, no matter the situation, so to actually see it made Diana feel even lower.

She frowned to herself and looked up at the clock, thinking, ‘Well, at least I found a way to keep myself occupied for those last few minutes of class.’

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Mkay. I don't usually write stories, at all, but I like this and would like to continue it. So, any and all comments are welcome on how I can improve. Much thanks.

-Nicholas


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Fri Aug 24, 2007 3:52 am
iQuippie wrote a review...



I always love it when guys try to write about girls. It's a win-win situation because I either end up laughing or thinking "Oh my gosh, that was great." I really liked this story. It takes talent to write from the point of someone whose the opposite sex as you. Great job. :)




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Thu Aug 23, 2007 1:08 am
kayles wrote a review...



Your characterization is excellent, and you clearly convey the scene. However there isn't a lot of sympathy generated for Diana - in fact, she seems a bit of a brat. Is this intentional?
I also applaud you for writing from the point of view of the opposite sex - its extremely hard to do and you've done an excellent job. Well done!




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Wed Aug 22, 2007 7:10 pm
Writers_Block says...



I really have no idea what to think about that. It was a hilarious plot, but the exaggeration was off, but I still think you should write more about Diana,Kate, and A.J.




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Sat Aug 18, 2007 9:45 pm
canislupis says...



I think you should revise your sentences a little. I haven't got time for a full review, but I thought you had a good idea, and worth continuing.




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Sat Aug 18, 2007 9:16 am
berrylique wrote a review...



Did you check and double check your answers to be sure you didn’t make any careless mistakes.

I think it should be : Did you check and double check your answers, to be sure you didn't make any careless mistakes?

Anyway, I loved your story :D
The plot and overall idea for your story is great.
I laughed at the part when Diana told Mrs. Hue that she had to go to the toilet for a "female emergency".
I hoped you put some description of the characters, like their appearances and ages, so as to make the reader have a clear idea of the characters in their mind. It's kind of vague right now.

Keep up the great work, and i hope to see the second part of this story! :lol:




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Mon Jul 16, 2007 10:35 pm
omgsh mikey wrote a review...



Enigma wrote:“Here you go, Mrs. Hue.” She said with a bright grin.

Slowly, her teacher extended her hand and grasped the paper; There should be a period, not a semi colon. She gave it a quick skim as she addressed the student that stood before her desk, Period, please. “Did you check and double check your answers to be sure you didn’t make any careless mistakes." This is a question, so there should be a question mark.





Enigma wrote:Bridget Hue, Diana’s fifth grade math teacher, placed one last “X” on the wrong answer of Rachyl Clarkson’s project, and looked up at Diana, “Yes?”


My name is Rachael too, and I've never seen it spelled like that before. I've seen some pretty funky ways too, like Rachul, and Raechel.

The only other thing I'll say is there could be a little bit more description for the characters. They were a bit vague, and I hard time picturing it.

Praise:

I really liked the scene with the teacher about Diana's "female emergency." It made me laugh. Overall, it was a good read. Are you going to continue it?




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Mon Jul 16, 2007 7:23 pm
Mel wrote a review...



Agreeing with what was said before, I do think you rushed this just a little bit and there could have been a bit more description. The overall idea so far? I find it enjoyable and promising. I saw no grammar, spelling, or punctuation mistakes.

Just work on flowing and sentences. Think about how you... or someone else rather (since Diana is a girl and you are a boy)... would fit into the story. Would it take you five minutes to ask your teacher to go use the restroom? Not likely.

Basically, just check your accuracy and you'll be good to go. Great job and get the next chapter up and running, Mr.!! :D

Good luck,
Melissa




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Thu Jul 05, 2007 10:57 pm
dele24 wrote a review...



I really enjoyed it and don't have much to add, everyone has it pretty much covered. It needs a better opening sentence and I don't really like the last sentence. I would think that she would still be thinking about AJ or Kate or something else, not that class is over.




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Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:03 pm
Matt Bellamy says...



I echo everyone else, but would also like to add that time seems to go very fast-it takes about five minutes for what would probably only be about a thirty second exchange between Diana and the teacher in some parts.




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Thu Jun 28, 2007 12:14 am
AndNeverAgainx3 wrote a review...



i really do like it!
i think a bit more background information about diana, her relationships with kate and aj, and all of that jazz, should be included, though.
& you should consider a more compelling beginning.
other than that i think it is very cute.
=)




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Wed Jun 27, 2007 2:24 am
Sam wrote a review...



Hey, Enigma!

Ooh, I loved this...I could totally relate; I'm always the nerd who finishes my tests first and has to sit and do nothing for awhile. Diana wasn't very creative in coming up with things to do, though- I've tatooed my arms in ink, taught myself to write in Cyrillic, and memorized the periodic table in the time left over from tests. Perhaps a little more ingenuity from good ol' Diana? :wink:

She was a really cool character- especially the 'feminine emergencies'. You're a guy, which kind of impressed me...considering that that's the best excuse in the book. The best, bar none.

A few things I'd like a little more elaboration on:

- Girls like that are usually in denial about having crushes. You'll want to do a lot more detail writing- does she say something like 'yuck', or, on the other end of the spectrum, is considering what cruise to take during their honeymoon? Fifth grade girls could go either way, really. Just a little more oomph, to make it more memorable than the usual "Ooh, a boy!" thing.

- Kids get really, really bored during tests- any sort of disruption, like Diana being tripped up, would cause everyone to create total anarchy and mayhem. Describe the onlookers a little: what are they doing? Whispering?

- Why does AJ's name magically switch to 'Ayden'? I like Ayden better, personally, but AJ would be a lot more modern. Pick something and stick to it.

Again, a really fun story- it's going to give people unpleasant flashbacks, but hey. You did your job. :wink: Feel free to PM me if you've got any questions or want me to take a look at something else.




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Wed Jun 27, 2007 1:32 am
Wiggy says...



I liked it! Cute and sassy. :P I'll do a fuller crit in a few days.





I am and always will be optimist, the hoper of far-flung hopes, the dreamer of improbable dreams.
— 11th Doctor