jord

WOW! that is all i can say for now. i am totally awestruck!!

thanks to everyone who has critiqued, i will take everything in and edit it when i have time.

personally i think it is a bit too far - fetched but that is just my opinion, if it is your type of story KEEP WRITING because someone will like ...

fairly good, but i think it needs a lot of description putting in.

THANKS RODENT, I REALLY APPRECIATE THESE COMMENTS. I WILL TAKE ON BOARD WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT THE FIRST PARAGRAPH AND I WILL EDIT IT ACCORDINGLY.

PLEASE READ THIS AND CRITIQUE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, I REALLY WANT THIS STORY TO WORK.

wow this is really amazing, are you going to carry on and write the rest of the story because i cant wait to read on. I thought the names were ...

fantastic, extremely witty and funny cant wait to read more

i would also like to say that i totally agree with everything darklight said.

i thought this was really good. usually i dont read posts by girls, because i dont enjoy them. but this one was very different. after reading the first paragraph i ...

very good, really liked it. keep writing

not my cup of tea, but quite good nonetheless

very cool

it was fantastic, the cut opens, prologue was really good.