ireylcadence

Hi! First: I think you meant hopped off my bed? Alright. This piece sounds more like a rant than an actual poem. You could definitely make a great piece of ...

This is really great and definitely worth continuing. It keeps the reader guessing and brings up plenty of things for later plot points, which is exactly what a prologue should ...

I love the emotion you conveyed in this. You had me in suspense and I feel it moved along at just the right pace, making it very real. :) Sometimes ...

It's good that I can see what you're trying to convey, and I think the repetition serves well to show your determination. However, you might want not want to use ...

It's definitely very sweet. The repetition about the gleam in his eye served its purpose well. I would suggests some changes in grammar, such as capitalizing Moonshine and watching out ...