Published January 26, 2010
I will survive.
I will surviive through these hard times.
I will survive through the pain in my head.
I will survive through the pain in my heart.
I will survive through the tears in my eyes.
i will survive through the hard times in my
life
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,633 Literary Works • 673,569 Reviews
Hey there, Percy. Nice to meet you, by the way. Now let's get started.
I...didn't like this. I'm sorry. The repetition does not cause any suspense, or 'effect' us like it should. Merely, it was annoying. It had no rhyme, no rhythm, and I didn't like it in really the slightest. But that's just me.
Remember to make your I's, and the beginning of your line's a capital letter.
Take in what Ben said. It's all true. Every line.
Tata.
-Mizz
It's good that I can see what you're trying to convey, and I think the repetition serves well to show your determination.
However, you might want not want to use "through the hard times" twice, especially since this is rather short.
Keep on developing it like BenFranks said. Also, on a point of randomness, I think this would look good on one of those inspirational placards you see around.
Hi Percy
Your poem is awesome. The reason I say this is because your making a statement, and I believe in what your saying.Other than the line repetition at the end it is perfect and stick to the message.
Hey there Percy,
Let's start with a couple of punctuation and type errors to improve the fluency of the read:
Okay, firstly the repetition's dull and doesn't work.
Secondly, there's absolutely no imaginative drive nor any originality to this and it really isn't my cup of tea.
There's a real sense its been rushed or is just poetry puke. I don't like it.
What I will suggest is that you re-write it. You pull in your emotions. You give us some vivid imagery. You give the narrative voice some tone. You give us a defined rhythm.
Keep writing as you'll only improve.
Ben.