I hope off bed and hear the sound of rain,
I ran to my window and see the pouring rain,
I tried opening the window but then I close it back,
Because it was too cold,
So I ran downstairs and go outside,
With a jacket on me,
And I went below the rain,
And feel the pouring rain,
I tried smelling, it smelled good,
So whenver it's raining,
Go outside before it goes...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Hi!
First: I think you meant hopped off my bed?
Alright. This piece sounds more like a rant than an actual poem. You could definitely make a great piece of work with the idea, and your poem did manage to get the main idea of enjoying rain while it lasts well. However, you could be more descriptive: How did the rain taste? How did it sound? What did it look like? Use imagery and metaphors, and try to avoid "baby" words like "good".
Right now, your poem is something like a rough draft. Keep on working at it and I'm sure it'll turn out great!
Hello Anuha!
Welcome to YWS!
Ok, I am going to review your poem, I will give my overall comments at the end, so first some little nit-picks.
[quote]I hope #FF0000 ">I think that you mean hop here, sorry if I'm wrong. off #FF0000 ">my bed and hear the sound of rain,
I ran to my window and see the pouring rain,#FF0000 "> repeating rain here sounds unprofessional, like you have nothing else to give. You could say I ran to my window and watched it pour as you have already told us about the rain.
I tried opening the window but then I close it back,#FF0000 ">This line sounds arkward but I am unsure why
Because it was too cold,
So I ran downstairs and go outside,
With a jacket on me,
And I went below the rain,
And feel the pouring rain,
I tried smelling, it smelled good,#FF0000 "> smelt good
So when#FF0000 ">ever it's raining,
Go outside before it goes...#FF0000 ">You don't need the elipsis here, a simple period would work better.
Overall I liked this although you mixed up your tenses a bit sometimes using the active tense and sometimes the passive. You also used 'pouring' a lot. You could change that, there are many ways to describe the movement of the rain. You could also elaborate on how your character is feeling.
Other than these points and the corrections above, some of which are just typos, this was good. Thank you for an enjoyable read.
Well Done!
Keep Writing,
~Lydia