gymnast_789

Chapter 1 I was so bored , my mum Had given me yet another lecture which I of course did not listen to And I had yet more maths homework. ...

You should make two sentences out of all of these: When Nasaru woke up by the light shining in his room he left it and went to the eating area. ...

I think your description could use a little work. Its not that you don't describe the people good enough its just that you need to blend them in with you ...

When AJ could no longer hear the music and all of the noise she stopped to look around her. To really see the area she was always in but there ...

As they passed, some of the villagers waved. Others didn’t notice. Instead of making these two different sentences try adding them together and putting a comma where the period is. ...

tat knew me, tat = that? My love has red hair, with blue eyes as well. She smiles at me and she does it so well. I like how you ...

Retreat! Retreat! Gun fire, that's all there was to hear was we were running for our lives. I think that you should put the beginning of this in quotations like ...

The bus lurched down the street. Try adding a little more detail to this sentence. Otherwise I really liked this. I could make a lot of connections to this, having ...

I agree that playdough is too silly a word fot the style of writing you have chosen. Even just switching it to clay would, in my opinion, add a lot ...

From when last time when I read this it has gotten much better. With the sentences being space out it was easier for me to read, and I actually understood ...

"A.J . hurry up and get in the car! We are going to get caught." Amber shouts from inside the car. "Soooo who cares I'm having tons of fun" A.J ...

I was really tired when I did this so a few things might sound a little funny: Sersemon finally looked up from the cremation fire. "How did my father die?" ...

This was intersting. I really liked the begining. Try describing things a little bit more, it will make it more intersting. You also have a few spelling mistakes, and I'm ...

" I woke up in a room, I hope. I knew exactly what this was about. I was seeing a woman: a wife to a very powerful man in England ...

Instead of using " His back hair was a little long..." You could try using something like "His hair brushed the tips the back of his neak..." or something like ...