greenjay

“Your allays in the mountains,” Ianna said suddenly. “Who are they?” Allies. When she spoke to Aedaan, she said nothing of this attachment, nor of what it was costing her ...

Brad crouched on his perch, glad of the thick feathers covering his wings and glad that his wings were large enough to wrap around his entire body Here's some nitpicking ...

“By the way, you spelled ‘Antoinette’ wrong.” Haha :P As it seems to be working swimmingly Ah? I would suggest using another word here. I know it's on her blog, ...

It was a sketch of Khor and Gerin in the hall battling, only Gerin’s chain wrapped around Khor’s neck and hiss head rolled around on the floor. Khor crumpled it ...

Cool! That was a really good chapter. I liked all the stories and it was VERY VERY VERY good. I would love to give you some suggestions of how to ...

Has Jason was starting the shower when he thought he heard his Uncle say something, As...not has :P. As they waited for the umpire to get there Jason sat on ...

I didn't find anything to correct :D. That's a good thing :P. I like this chapter, it's a good one. I like how much Daeun's people love him :D. Anyway ...

The long metal desk broke off in the center where stairs led down to a slightly lowered lever . Level...:P “He could at least but some kinda heater in this ...

:? I'm confused...:P. Just kidding. All I can really say is good job. It was a good thoughtful story that made a (I guess) good point. -greenjay

Ooo! Sweet map... He ignored their desperate pleas to remain back and entered the stable, spotting Tsuunai’s black hide in the center of the commotion: a man with a harshly ...

He realized he was looking at grey rocks very saw away, barely visible that they were separate, due to sheer numbers. ???rocks saw away???I think you mean rocks FAR away. ...

Ooo. Goodjob. I was fifteen again, bouncing along the back roads to the beach in our puke-green Suburban. Is that how you spell suburban? I'm not sure. That's the only ...

Though they stopped twice to rest, they by and large pushed forward until their mounts’ heads hung low and their hooves dragged, and the riders were slumped in the saddle, ...

Good job! I actually didn't find anything wrong with is :D. I liked this section. The part with Mariamne was most interesting, and I like the insite into Dominic's character. ...

At their front rode Daeun and Ianna, Daeun upon Tsuunai, and Ianna upon a bright dun whose temper had immediately appealed to the J’engar assassin-queen . The J’engar were awkward ...