forgottenfallen

Updated with more work! :)

Edited to AddictiontoFiction's points :)

I would just like to thank everybody for the amount of help I got on EVERY part of Angels and Vampires so far!!!!! :) Its been so helpful, and its ...

I would just like to thank everybody for the amount of help I got on EVERY part of Angels and Vampires so far!!!!! :) Its been so helpful, and its ...

I would just like to thank everybody for the amount of help I got on EVERY part of Angels and Vampires so far!!!!! :) Its been so helpful, and its ...

Didn't I say something? :(

This is a very good example of something being inspired by another book (at least it looks like its inspired by Twilight) but doesn't have any plagiarism at all. This ...

Yeah exactly! :D They need to have their say for once.

Saph/Sapphire When I woke up I found myself in a cave, tied up and a man looking at me. He had red in his eyes and his teeth looked sharp. ...

Yeah cos I read 18 years old stories all the time.

Don't say gory, when you post it mark it as '12, 16, or 18.' I personally think this is 16 and over according to YWS rules. Anyway, the diologue is ...

My only point would be don't bend yourself backwards and change your poem to make the lines rhyme. Forgotten xxx PS: You're not 13.

My only crit would be to say more about the scenery and make your chapters longer. You could pull each of those scenes out a lot more.

I don't get why people keep on thinking hes a girl He says right at the start 'Lexine Torn. It was a meaningful yet meaningless name, not even really correct ...

Instead of music, how about some like 'Dynasty'? Something that sounds beautiful and inspirational, like some music is.