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Re: nothing
Yo Scratch! Too bad you're not on my team this time. “Hey Gumbo.,” There should only be one punctuation mark here. I would go with the period, since you're not ...
Aug 28, 2011 -
Re: The Zombie Effect
Your smile's so sweet Making this day feel complete This is good, but try not to fall into the trap of choosing words simply because they rhyme. I bring this ...
Aug 28, 2011 -
Re: Rustle Of A Wing
Yo. I'm tired. Yay. *cough* Anyway. You should not--and I want to emphasize this--put the setting in italics the way you have done. Either use one (or more, whatever) sentence(s) ...
Aug 28, 2011 -
Re: Pizarro
Ok, I hate you. This is way too long. This is rather awesome. I will tell you right now that I am not familiar with this character, and I do ...
Aug 28, 2011 -
Re: .
So I thought I was the second reviewer. XP My bad. Overall, this is good. I like how you used the same phrase with different wording; it makes the reader/listener ...
Aug 28, 2011 -
Re: Goodbye
Mornin'. This is goodbye to all of the weight that I heap on myself Typo. Easy to miss. This is goodbye to beating myself up when things go wrong It's ...
Aug 22, 2011 -
Re: telling of the yet untold
Hokay. Since this is you, you'll be wanting an in-depth review. I'll try my best, but.... let's just say I'm no Mustard. I seem to better at the emotions and ...
Aug 17, 2011 -
Re: Life of a Mountain-Inception
EHTE *glomps* Sentence one: OHHAY, RUN-ON! :O Here's my re-write: I need a key, because I'm lame: Blue =take out Red =add in (Parentheses)=you could add this, but I'm not ...
Aug 9, 2011 -
Re: Yahweh
Aww, this was so sweet! It has a powerful message. It is kinda preachy, though--remember that storytelling is a journey, not a destination. This can be really, really hard--I'm still ...
Jul 9, 2011 -
Re: You Found Me
OH MY ADLAJDFL;ADJL;FJAL;JDFL;JADL;FJL;AJDL;FJLA;DJFL;JASL;DJFL;AJSDL;FJADL;JFL;AJDLFJAWEJFLKJASLCVJAOJEL;J ANOTHER SEER IN DA HIZZOUSE!! *cough* You should ALWAYS, always always always always write y
Jul 6, 2011 -
Re: Posies
Mustard seems to have something against first person...... o.o ;3 I love this! It's wonderful. I wish I had nitpicks, but I don't--you captured the sort-of desperation of the artist ...
Jun 28, 2011 -
Re: Sin
I know, I'm a terrible person. HECKNAW. I'm taking an internship--Monday thru Wednesday, I'm at a house of prayer all day attending classes that are like church, only we hafta ...
Jun 28, 2011 -
Re: Hobonaire! (parody)
Hahaha, this was quite amusing, especially since I'm not a Bruno Mars fan. (Not sure what it is aboutthe dude, exactly, it's just.... I dunno. I don't like him.) I ...
Jun 26, 2011 -
Re: Lampshade
Awww. I really feel for the speaker in this song. You did well with putting a lot of emotion into your writing--and with lampshade as a prompt--! Fantastic job. I'm ...
Jun 26, 2011 -
Re: Soliloquy #1: Is This Me?
I like thought processes. I don't like the books I had to read for my worldviews class. This read like one of those. I'm torn. I'll stop using too many ...
Jun 26, 2011
