You Found Me

i simply loved it! it made me go dreamy..

Well done, Solvalery (unique name, by the way ) !
Though I found a couple of things that needed to be revised for grammatical mistakes, I believe Ranger51 has thoroughly picked them out I am a Muslim by religion &, though you're a Christian & meant it for the God you believe in, I could relate to your thoughts & feelings as they were the same towards my own God. Truly, God is great
From the start of this piece, I was sucked in &, believe me when I say, that doesn't happen usually for me. I really liked the way you gave the reader an insight to your thoughts & feelings & it helped me pick my way through your character. So, I hope you'll continue writing such great stuff & good luck
Cheers!
x

This was so beautifully written! I could not have done better myself! BRAVO!!

I just want to say good on you. As many of the above reviewers have stated, I too am a Christian. I love that you write about your faith, how many of us would be brave enough to do that? I'm also so happy to see such positive feedback to your story, even from people who don't believe the same things. Your piece was profound and moving. Original. I loved it.

OH MY ADLAJDFL;ADJL;FJAL;JDFL;JADL;FJL;AJDL;FJLA;DJFL;JASL;DJFL;AJSDL;FJADL;JFL;AJDLFJAWEJFLKJASLCVJAOJEL;J

ANOTHER SEER IN DA HIZZOUSE!!

*cough*

You should ALWAYS, always always alwaysalways write your dreams down. That's how God communicates.

Speaking of which, you should submit the dream here. It sounds like the majority of the meaning has already been revealed to you, (it was kinda obvious XD) but they could provide further insight.

Especially go there if you have a dream that seems bizarre, doesn't make sense, that you can't understand, whatever. They're good people, and they take care to listen to what God's saying.

The title, by the way, screams "I'm taking The Fray(?)'s lyrics and spoofing them/taking them and running with it/ripping them off!"

.....which doesn't really make a difference in the long run.......

The title of a dream is actually very important, and only the dreamer can give an accurate title. That's where the "weight" of the dream lies, or something like that. It's the anchor.

Feelings are also incredibly important. Good job! You did well. Let me know about further dreams, k? I'm really interested in them, and taking a dream class.

I love it!! It has so much feeling!! The short little sentences give ALOT of feeling but too many is kinda blah... But all in all a very good piece.

Wow. This is so true and so beautiful...
I'm a Christian as well, and I sometimes feel really lost and alone in this world - this really captured that. There are so many things that I don't understand - war, hunger, and just the plain pointlessness of life as man alone makes it - and sometimes I just have to remember that I don't have to understand it. All I have to do is follow God, and allow Him to love me.



Well, I feel really bad critiquing this, but there were a few things I thought could have been said a little better:

It was just sequences, figures and numbers, hypothesis and microscopes.
I know that others have mentioned that "hypothesis" isn't plural and should be 'hypotheses', but what made me notice this was the microscopes. I like the science theme, but why microscopes? It seemed a little random to me, that's all - I'd have done something like test tubes or petri dishes.

"What can't be seen, won't be believed," I heard. 'won't' didn't seem to fit with the sentence - it sounds more like a prediction than a statement. I'd have put "can't" instead. I was observing them carefully, but I could hardly understand. They said there's not such a thing as 'wrong or right'.

"This isn't my place," I repeated out loud. Am I part of the improvement or am I part of the destruction? I wondered. Sometimes what you have or want is not what you need, and sometimes what you need turns out to be what you really want. Where did that sentence come from? Perhaps there should have been some transition. I love this paragraph, though - it sets a good mood.

Where was it possible to find love on this Earth, when the constant war between us humans is part of our daily basis? Purely personal preference - I'd have done something to make the war seem more fruitless or dark.

Barefoot. Tired. Hopeless. "But not helpless, nor alone," I heard a deep voice say, (a semicolon or period would have been proper here) it was soft and sweet. Soft, sweet and deep is an absolutely perfect thing to say, by the way! Still, I was afraid. I searched the room with my eyes,(again, a semicolon instead of a comma should go here) I could still hear the echo, "I love you,(semicolon) love me as well. You will (how about "must"? "Will" sounds like a prophecy or a command given to a slave, not a loving request) seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Using the same verb twice in one sentence sounds strange and repetitive - I'd find a different word." I trembled with fear.

"Ignore that!" I said to myself as I closed my eyes. Why did the character want to ignore that statement, especially when he/she has been looking for someone to love him/her? I'm sure there's a legitimate reason, but I'd have preferred to know why. As it is, it sounds like the voice has insulted them somehow.I took the Ipod out of my pocket and put my earphones on. The lyrics repeated what I mentioned before, darkness; No hope, no love, no faith, no peace. That was all I'd ever known. "what I mentioned before" - for some reason, I feel like that isn't appropriate. It makes it sound more like it isn't a big deal, or something ... perhaps different wording, like "what I'd always known" or something more impending-sounding, would be good. (if that makes sense.)

Suddenly I started feeling weak, and I was about to faint when someone embraced his arms around me. I could finally breathe. He took the Ipod (iPod, not Ipod) on his hands and clicked stop, and I just let Him this time. Be careful not to leave words or suffixes out... people will notice. (If you wanted to do something other than "and", by the way, semicolons would work just as well.)

'Cause Jesus has plans for all of us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future. "'Cause" seems a little too casual in contrast to the rest of the story. "Because" would have been fine. Also, I would have said something that ties in with the rest of the story, because this ending seemed a tiny bit rushed.

Hi there

Your story=amazing. I loved how descriptive it was; the images in my head ! Your imagery is spectacular! Good show xD d(^-*)b

Hi,

While I am my agnostic little self, I really liked this. You did amazing. A few things, though:

But I was floating on the air. Though the funny feeling of the air dancing around you, that wasn't it. I wasn't flying. I was stuck. I was wanting something more. Craving for the most worn out word in the world: Love. But I wondered if the feeling was worn out as well. Or maybe it's just.. extinct, I thought.

Hey Sol.

This piece was everything and more amazing. I'm a christian too, and i've only had one instance like this that can even compare to that.

When I read the title, i thought of the song. "You Found Me." by the Fray. Great way to start off. This piece was powerful, and you had a very good voice; you showed that the character was confused or stubborn at first, and then God took the M.c. in His arms.. That's powerful just in that little paragraph.

You also didn't have dull details, and this is good because everything had a purpose, that way it wasnt irrelavant.


Overall, a great story and i'll need to cut this short or else I'll keep rambling!

--Ash!!!

It was absolutely brilliant! I agree with every line, it was so perfect. I can't even describe how good it was. To build off of the comment above me, I was actually named after my dad's favorite verse out of the Bible- Jeremiah 29:11. Yes, my name is Jeremiah. But, I digress, this was utterly brilliant. You have a gift. Keep Writing!

Hi! I liked this mostly because I could feel your faith and the need to spread your faith. I think people like you are so important and you stand as role models for those of us who struggle daily with our faith. The iPod threw me off in the beginning, because it didn't really fit in with the Nothing you were creating, but it I understood toward the end. For me it worked so well because as the instant generation we are, we're constantly looking for instant satisfaction and we so often question our faith when our prayers and requests and signs aren't granted immediately.
Jeremiah 29:11 its completely.. Complete. Its the perfect verse and I adore it and you for using it!

Loved it.

Beautiful! Absolutely loved it!

This was awesome! It was really powerful and I could feel the love.

At first I didn't think the ipod fit in with the rest, but then near the end it made sense.

I have no nitpicks! This was a really amazing story. Keep on writing!

This was beautiful. This was actually a dream or did you just have a dream and this came to you? Either way it was so powerful and I could feel your faith. I loved it!

Just one thing:)
It's not Ipod, it's iPod. It's a name brand and that's how it's spelled. I know if I type it that way in in Microsoft word it doesn't say it's wrong, but it does when I type it with a capital. It's kind of like PetsMart. You can't spell it Petsmart:)

Sol, Sol, Sol, Sol! *tune of Beethoven's Symphony No. 5* xD I am here to give thee a review!

Nitpicks:

It was just sequences, figures and numbers, hypothesis and microscopes.

"This isn't my place," I repeated out loud.

Sometimes what you have or want is not what you need,

Though the funny feeling of the air dancing around you, that wasn't it.

Or maybe it's just.. extinct,

Where was it possible to find love on this Earth, when the constant war between us humans is part of our daily basis?

I heard a deep voice say, it was soft and sweet.

I wandered around an empty land.

But I was floating on the air. Though the funny feeling of the air dancing around you, that wasn't it. I wasn't flying. I was stuck.

I searched the room with my eyes,

I took the Ipod out of my pocket and put my earphones on.

He took the Ipod on his hands and click stop,

He turned my wailing into dancing!

"Let Jesus himself pick your songs, don't hesitate, before the battery dies."

Sol, this is marvelous. There are only a few errors.

destruction?,

"But not helpless, neither alone,"

...I love this. <3 It's true. He is our God. love it!!!