fire_of_dawn

All right, my good fellow, you needn't fear. :| In the first paragraph, you make it seem as if the main character's mother is the 'voice' he's hearing. A good ...

Fiery, here as requested. This is a fairly solid beginning. For the record, I can't do anything well knowing I have a set word-count. He was tall, lean and lethal ...

*sighs* Cute it may be, but the ending falls a little flat. Marianna, her co-worker had kept pestering her to go out on dates more often. This would read better ...

Hello. I'm Fire, as you can see. Let me first say that this has potential. But the narration is bland. A good way to spice it up it up is ...

Wurra, wurra, wurra! It's me, Fiery. And then I saw it, a small leather pouch And then I saw it: This just works beter. If you're starting a list, a ...

Thanks. :P I'll fix those little errors. Oh, just a little F.Y.E. When I said I may not have remembered everything exactly. I meant I may have forgotten some part ...

Bro, you need to understand something. This piece has a very "telling" feel to it, as well as a lack of rhythm. Perhaps I can help. Lightning rent the sky. ...

My only complaint is that you misuse commas in this piece. It seems like you forget how to use any other punctuation sometimes. My jaw dropped, "What?" I stammered. This ...

I think this was very good. I love the sense of loneliness throughout the piece. The streets of the town were lonely, save for the dust that the breeze stirred ...

I know, friend. My parents didn't divorce, but I was taken from them at twelve. After that, things went down hill. To sum it up, I went crazy. Now I'm ...

This sounds more like a fable than an article, but I can't be picky. All but the parent were reluctant to accept the man. That should be something more like ...

“ Nancy [s]I believe[/s] I have a surprise for you”, said Carson Drew with a twinkle in his eye. Like always, Nancy knew her father had another mystery for her. ...

Thanks, guys! I'm going to be telling this to everyone: Stori's account doesn't work, so I'm positing this under the Fire's. I like the idea about animals reflecting their "types," ...

Whiteraven stretched slowly. "A good day's work," he said to his apprentice. The young gray cat just nodded. "You have trained well, but there is something you lack. You need ...

Shrikes, what a poem! There were a few errors, here: His fluent golden eyes Maybe you meant "fluid" or "liquid"? Either way, an effective metaphor. he drove the deer to ...