Well. This is my MarNoWriMo. It's not far into it...or even past the first chapter. *laughs nervously* Anyways. Here it is. Crit is welcome. And feel free to ask questions.
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Chapter 1.
Kiera Sinclair stared down at the book before her. Why was her grandmother forcing her to read this crazy story about some Tolkien-style world anyway? It’s not like Kiera was going anywhere and it wasn’t like anything at all could come from reading it in the first place. It was just some stupid old book, wasn’t it?
Kiera sighed and turned the page. On the left was an old painting of an elf. He was tall, lean and lethal looking. This elf carried a long bow, a quiver of arrows and a sword, belted to his waist.
Kiera’s grandmother gave her a stern look from across the room and went back to stacking books on the shelf. The old woman was nuts, Kiera was sure of that.
She studied her grandmother for a moment, watching the grey-haired, ninety-something woman as she slid a ladder along its runner and awkwardly climbed up said ladder.
Kiera was worried about her grandmother now, worried that she might fall... But the old woman didn’t. She just tucked a book away in its proper spot and climbed back down the ladder.
Kiera and her grandmother were in the library. You see, Kiera’s family—the Sinclair’s—were rich, really rich. Something about an old Scottish princess being exiled from England and sent to Australia, along with everything the Sinclair’s had, which mysteriously included several thousand pounds of gold, silver and other jewels.
The story was one the Kiera’s grandmother loved to tell, one of the old woman’s favourites. Kiera sighed and scanned the page she’d abandoned.
There was the elf again. Kiera frowned and traced his features with her fingers. Something about this elf drew her in...
He had brown hair so dark that it was almost black and vivid green eyes—even the painting had managed to capture that. He wore a long silver cloak and in the painting he was fingering the hilt of his sword, as if he knew he was about to be attacked....
Kiera sighed and turned the page, ignoring the burning holes in her back that could only be a glare he grandmother had sent her way.
On the next page was covered in text that Kiera couldn’t read. She scanned the words for anything she recognised. Apparently it was some kind of ancient language. Kiera didn’t know why, but it called to her... It begged her to read it....but how could she if she couldn’t even read it?
“Kiera,” her grandmother called bringing her attention back to the library and ripping her out of the book—no, not literally.
Kiera looked up to see the old woman watching her with something resembling concern in her eyes. Her grandmother shook her head and began stacking books onto shelves again.
“Grandmother,” Kiera called, closing the book gently. Her grandmother didn’t seem to hear her for a moment. “What’s with the book?” Kiera asked as she stood up, the book tucked under one arm. “Why do you want me to study it every time I come into the library?”
Kiera’s grandmother closed her eyes, keeping her back to the girl and blindly put another book on the shelf. The old woman sighed and opened her eyes. If only Kiera knew, she thought.
“Kiera,” the old woman said and turned towards her. “If you do not read the book then you will not know what to do,” she added in a stern voice and walked towards the huge double doors.
“Grandmother!” Kiera protested, annoyed by the lack of information from her grandmother.
The old woman ignored her and opened a door. She turned back for a moment and gave Kiera another of her ‘concerned’ looks. Kiera frowned at her grandmother.
“What?” she asked. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Her grandmother just sighed and pointed at the desk behind Kiera.
“Please put those away and then you can go back to whatever you were doing before.”
With that, the old woman swept out of the doors and left Kiera alone in an empty, dusty library with the books.
Kiera sighed dramatically and walked over to the desk. She shot the doors a glare and picked up the ten thin, dark green books with gold lettering on the covers.
“Why is she making me do this anyway?” Kiera muttered as she put down her book and picked up the first book. The gold letters glinted at her but she couldn’t read them.
With another sigh, Kiera walked over to an empty section of shelf at eye level and dumped the books on the shelf before returning to the desk and grabbing her book.
Kiera looked around at the library. It was huge, at least three stories tall and, as all libraries do; it had too many books for her to count.
The shelves on the main level were made of stone, while all of the shelves above it were made of wood, a dark red-brown mahogany. The tall, arched window across from the door was made of stain glass and stained everything in the room with a rainbow of colour—reds, greens, blues, yellows, and all the others.
Kiera sighed and headed for the door. It was a beautiful library and she usually didn’t want to leave it, but today something was different... Something about the library was sinister this time.
Kiera shook off the feeling. Just because she was mad at her grandmother did not make her favourite place dark. Not that Kiera noticed much besides the weird feeling but she was being watched. From the shadows, by a man in a long hooded cloak, and he carried a sword and a bow.
But it’s not like Kiera noticed him—she was too busy staring at the books on the shelves. She wanted to stay longer, but she had to go. Kiera thought her grandmother was losing her mind....but she’d never say that to the old woman’s face.
Kiera gave the library one last longing look and stepped through the door, closing it behind her. As the door clicked shut, the hooded figure inside the library vanish. And Kiera didn’t notice a thing.
She had no idea how much trouble one simple, little book could bring—especially to her and her friends.
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Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Here is Aushy, finally here to review this one!
I only found one nitpick. Just one.
'He' should be 'her.'
I honestly have nothing more to say on this piece. It was very good. :}
Great job, and come to my shack anytime you need a review. :}
Love & Blessings,
Aushy
Oh, the feeling thing. Yes, the guy really is watching her, but he's not there if you get what I mean. You'll find out more in the next chapter, which i'll be posting soon. And the grandmother thing: the old woman can't exactly tell her why or it might not happen, it's weird like that. It all comes back to the Elvish Prophecy that you find out about in the next chapter.
Hey-oh!
Not going to nitpick too much, since I realize this is a draft and you're just putting words to paper for the NaNo-ness. One thing did really jump out at me and bother me though:
So she has a weird feeling that she is being watched. Is the feeling that specific, or is that it that there really is the dude watching her?
I loved the grandmother trying to educate her stupid granddaughter, but it makes me wonder why she doesn't just come right out and tell her why she should study and make her excited, rather than making the education something she hates.
This seems like a familiar plot, but I am looking forward to seeing what you do with it. Let me know when you post more?
~GryphonFledgling
First off, thanks for the review. Secondly, this is just a draft so I'm still fiddling with with it. Hm. I may change a few things and as for the library thing, I was more describing it than anything else. Like I said, I may fiddle around with the wording and such so things may change... Anyway, thanks again for the review.
Fiery, here as requested.
This is a fairly solid beginning. For the record,
I can't do anything well knowing I have a set word-count.
I don't quite like the alliteration here. Perhaps,
"He was tall, thin and looked ready for anything."
It's fairly obvious that they're in a library here,
so why restate the fact later?
Well, that's what I have for you.